I have not been feeling well for about a week now. Stuffy nose, sneezing, itchy eyes, and generally feeling the effects of hay fever. Fortunately, all the OTC medicines I’m taking have made life bearable; at least in 3-4 hour increments. Well suddenly Friday night the medication ceased to do it’s job, and I couldn’t get any relief. I was having severe sinus pain, and it seemed to be worse when I would lay down. Not laying down makes it hard to go to bed, so Friday night I got about 3 hours of sleep, in between working through 2 boxes of tissues.

I then had to get up for an 8am Leadership Meeting at our church Saturday Morning; which had everyone asking me, “Are you alright? You look terrible man!” and other terribly inappropriate things to tell an individual in my condition.

So on my way home I picked up something I’ve never used before in my life. Decongestant nose spray. Apparently you stick this tube thing in your nostril and spray. I read that I should spray 2 or 3 times in each nostril, and I should expect some stinging for a few seconds. I did this, and it did indeed sting. And I had to blow my nose about 10 times.

Then it happened, about 5 minutes after spraying that stuff in my nose I begin to feel like my nose was stinging a bit. Then it was stinging a lot. Then I begin to think something might be wrong. Then I knew something was terribly wrong. My nostrils were on FIRE!
I was hurting in ways I never knew possible. My eyes were pouring out water, and my nose was draining like Niagara Falls after a rain storm. I ran to the bathroom and started running hot water in the sink to I could inhale some steam, but it didn’t help. I then applied a hot towel to my now melting face, and it didn’t help. I felt like suddenly my sinus cavities had been set on fire! My forehead was burning, my nostrils were aflame with the fires from a forest fires. My face was burning like the fires of Hades. I felt like I had snorted gasoline up my nose. My head begin to pound, and the room begin to spin. I thought I might lose my lunch, and found myself laying on the bathroom floor; because it was the only thing I could grab hold of.
I could hear the grim reaper outside my door, and he was calling my name. I begin to think how weird my funeral would be. What would they say, “If not for that nose spray, he would still be with us.” Or maybe they’d say, “I wish I hadn’t asked him why he looked like death the last time I saw him.”

This pain continued for about 90 minutes, with me waiting just a few more minutes each minute until I agreed to go to the ER with my wife. I just couldn’t bring myself to go, but seriously expected to have to go soon. Finally the burn begin to wear off, and I had the worst sinus headache of my 30 year life. I spent the rest of the day in bed, and my gracious wife watched the kids.

So I end this story with a warning! Beware the evil nostril sprays at drugstores everywhere. Anything that involves sticking a plastic anything up a bodily part anything cannot end good.