Archive - March, 2011

Not Being a Jerk

March 24, 2011 in Ministry, Personal with 10 Comments

Are you a nice person?  Are you an encourager?  Do people want to be in your presence?

Are you a jerk?  Do you push people away with insulting behavior and a lack of respect?

There is great power and influence in simply being a nice person.  Of course you could lead by demanding and pushing out those that resist, but then you will probably end  up working in a different place than the local church…right?  Unfortunately, this isn’t the case; and I’ve had my fair share of “What are they thinking?” moments with supervisors and pastors I’ve worked for in the church.  But when you make a decision to be a nicer person to those around you, you will open doors of opportunity to truly impact people around you with your vision for where you want to go!


There are probably 1,000 things that could help you be nicer to those around you, but have you considered these?

  • Have someone over for dinner.
  • Take someone to coffee.
  • Write a thank you note.
  • Send an unwarranted mobile text saying thank you.
  • Smile at people.
  • Stop complaining in the presence of others.
  • Stop conversations that are turning negative.
  • Compliment someones shoes.
  • Give people time to answer the question, “How are you doing?”
  • Be intentional about getting to know people.
  • Be generous with your time.
  • Open your life up for others to see.
  • Make eye contact when listening to someone.
  • Talk to children.  Really, really talk to them.
  • Introduce your spouse to new people.
  • Have a firm handshake and offer your hand to strangers.
  • Don’t brag about yourself.
  • Wear deodorant and brush your teeth.
  • Speak complimentary of your superiors and bosses.
  • Praise good things in others.
  • Laugh often.
  • Don’t laugh when it’s not appropriate.
  • Ask forgiveness when it’s needed.
  • Be quick to pray for people when they open up about a need.
  • Listen well, Talk less.

And most importantly, just try to be nice.  I can promise that if you intentionally set out to be a nicer person, it will happen.  People are much more gracious than you would imagine, and there is room for bad days here and there.  The power of forgiveness compliments this so well!

When we strive to be a person that is concerned for others, then we can become an influencer of people.  When you influence people, you can help lead others through life change!  The power to influence others may be the greatest power given to us, and it all starts with learning to NOT be a jerk!

Leading a New Team of Leaders

March 22, 2011 in Ministry with 3 Comments

In my journey of job change I’m learning to hit my groove at leading those that are leading others. I’m currently overseeing/managing/leading/supervising/ an Elementary Director, an Early Childhood Director, two part-time ministry and materials assistants, a Youth Pastor, two full-time administrative assistants, and a part-time Youth Ministry leader. It’s a collection of some of the most talented and dedicated people at our church.  Of course I’m biased, but I have to say I think they’re the best of the best.

I’ve always felt comfortable leading strong-willed, talented, creative, and dedicated leaders, but it’s taken some learning and growth on my part. I’m thankful for a patient team that is willing to give me space to grow-up a little (or a lot.) So what have I learned about leading those that are leading? Where have I had to adjust to meet their unique needs and areas of ministry within our church? I’m not sure I have concrete answers yet. Let me put it this way. Here are the truths I’ve found in my journey so far:

  • I’ve worked to set an atmosphere of “not getting offended easily.” I can’t say nobody has been offended so far, but I challenged everyone on this newly formed to team to make a conscientious decision to assume the best of intentions with everyone on our team.  We have to have the benefit of a doubt to work together, and when this is our foundation; then I can lead us where we want to go as a team.
  • I’ve had each area of ministry spend 15-20 minutes at each meeting share about what they do each week in their ministry, and answer the personal question, “Why would you want this job?” We only meet as team every 2 weeks, so we are almost done giving each person a chance to lay their vision, plan, dreams, and current setups out for everyone to see.  I’ve also allowed time for the others to have input into what that person tells us, by asking the question, “What could your ministry do to help this ministry be successful?”
  • I’ve encouraged time together. With this team, we have all worked at the church for years together; but we haven’t really shared life together.  I always allow time at the beginning of meetings, and at other times throughout the week for us to just be together.  We have to get to know each other, and this takes time.  It’s always a work in progress.
  • I hold people accountable individually. I do NOT pick on one person anonymously in a meeting with everyone present.  If there is an issue that needs addressing, I address it with the individual.  I promised them as much when I started leading in January.
  • Leaders need affirmation, and attention. It’s true of me, and it’s true of those I lead.  How much is relative to each individual, and it’s my job to treat each person as unique as I can.  Whether that’s getting an office supply item they need, pushing through approval on a paint project, or telling them publicly something they’ve done well.  I’m always looking for opportunities to encourage, affirm, and build up.

I’m still learning and growing, but I’m also open to what needs may be there tomorrow that I don’t see today.  The ability to be flexible may be my greatest area for growth!

Now, I’m looking for some participation: If you are in a position of leading others, what are your truths?  If you are a leader being led by someone else, what do you need from your leader?

Guest Post: The Real You // Tim Livengood

March 17, 2011 in Ministry with 2 Comments

Today’s guest post is by our Youth Pastor at Trinity Church.  Pastor Tim Livengood is responsible for a ton of kids between the 6th and 12th grades at Trinity…and it’s a HUGE undertaking!  I’ve watched Tim walk parents through some tough times, and I’ve watched him teach kids in a service setting; and he’s a great communicator in both places.  He just started a blog this week, so go say hello! I got his permission to steal an email he sent to his leaders a few weeks ago.  Enjoy.

After about 12 years in youth ministry I have come to realize a secret that is probably not much of a secret to most of you. I am not cool enough to be a youth pastor. I am short, not very athletic, can’t surf, don’t have cool hair, and I can’t grow a goatee to save my life. There are times I am guessing you feel the same way about your coolness factor. The feeling hits me the hardest before a youth service. Last week I was trying to have a conversation with a student who I couldn’t get to take their earbuds out of their ears. Deep down I am sure that if I was cooler I could get their attention!

God challenged me on that thinking. I want to be a rock star in a student’s eyes, but if there is one thing I know about rock stars it is that they are unapproachable. They have their sunglasses on as they rush into their limousines with security surrounding them. As cool as rock stars are from a distance, I can’t imagine talking about my loneliness with Bon Jovi. Bono doesn’t care if my brother is cutting himself. I wouldn’t even try to go to one of them with a problem. They are to be admired from a distance. If I need someone to talk to I call my dad.

Our students are the same way. They don’t need rock stars because the more like a rock star you become the more unapproachable you are. They don’t need leaders that are going to look cool, jump onto stage, wow them, then disappear into the back room under cover of security. They need leaders willing to live real lives in front of them and with them. The thing that they need the most is the real you.


God to the Rescue Release Party

March 16, 2011 in Ministry with 5 Comments

Sam Luce let the proverbial cat out of the bag last week, and has continued to write about what is being released today over at SamLuce.com.  This project is the collaborative efforts of some Kidmin people you all know and love.  Here how it all came down: Around the end of last year, during a normal Kidmin conversation about different things we liked and didn’t like about different curriculums an idea was launched about what could be if we worked together on something unique.

But what would make this project unique?

  • For starters, we all work with children, parents, and other Kidmin leaders on a weekly (almost daily) basis.  This makes us unique in a big way when you look at curriculum developers around the world.  We bring a fresh perspective to what we believe will work, and what won’t work.  I’m not saying it the perfect perspective, but it’s out-of-the-oven fresh baked!
  • Then we separated responsibilities based on what our own talents, gifts, and experiences were.  I worked on Small Group Materials, of which you can download some below; Dan Scott worked on Large Group Programming; and Gina McClain worked on Small Group materials and parent take-home conversational stuff: and Sam Luce managed most all of the Small Group Planning.  We also used many of our own small group leaders, large group storytellers/teachers, and staff to help make it happen.  It goes beyond 4 people, and that may be the very best part!
  • It’s also important that you know that it’s all themed around the Easter season.  The entire project was based on an idea that at Easter, we would move away from the usual teaching format and instead write something that completely elevates Christ.  Now hear me out, I’m not saying there aren’t others doing the same thing…only that we were intentional about making sure Christ was easily found in every lesson and small group.
  • It’s free.  Enough said, right?

I’m personally thrilled to be a part of this project and share it with you, because of the unique collaborative opportunity I had to work with friends, and other like-minded kidmin leaders.  It was a severe challenge to find the time for what we had to do, but today I’m proud to get this out to all of you in the Kidmin community.

I’m sure you’ll recognize some things from each of us, but it’s my hope that you find this package something easy to implement, easy to change, and exalting of Christ as you use it.  Please take what we have and share your thoughts, feedback, criticisms, and likes about what has been created!

 

I’m a Dreamer

March 15, 2011 in Personal with 6 Comments

I’m a dreamer.  I don’t mean it in some creative, “I have a dream” sort of way.  I mean I actually dream.  I can honestly say that I have a dream almost every night.  I will have a dream if I lay down and take a 20 minute nap.  Before I was married, I never knew it was so strange to dream this much.  Others tell me that they never dream at night; and if they do it’s rare.  So why do I dream so much?  Let me tell you about these dreams, and then I’m gonna jump on your shrink couch and let you help me with some dream interpretation.


I dream in color.  I dream with vivid and real-life detail.  Sometimes my dreams involve people I’ve only met once, like a memorable cashier at the grocery store; and sometimes I dream about people that I’ve never seen.  I do dream the most about people I know very well.  The thing is that people behave differently in my dreams than I have to assume they ever would in real life.  You should see yourself in my dreams!

I dream terrible nightmares.  I’m not someone tormented by nightmares, but when I have a bad dream it is hardly forgettable.  I have a couple of doozies that I had when I was much younger, and they still give me chills when I remember them.  Something about my dreams (and unfortunately nightmares) seem terrible realistic to me.  Often times when waking up from a dream, I have to walk around the room and convince myself it was just a dream.  Yes, I walk around and talk to myself.  What of it?

I dream about conflict.  Many of my dreams involve a great conflict that I’m struggling through.  And I’m talking real-life conflict, not fighting aliens.  These dreams involve me trying to decide the best way to fire someone at work, or how I can have a difficult conversation with my wife, or asking someone for money.  And it should be noted that rarely does the conflict actually occur in my dream, the dream itself is all the things leading up to the confrontation.

I dream about things I love.  I’m 35 years old, and I still dream of quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys or hitting leadoff for the Texas Rangers.  Strange, right?  It should also be noted, that in these dreams I’m as confused as you are as to how I can do these things, but people in my dream tell me I can.  If they believe it, then I have to believe it too…right?

Which leads me to the big one. I have one recurring dream.  The scenario changes from dream to dream but it always includes the same thing.  The dream involves everyone telling me something is right, that I know is wrong.  Sometimes I’m accused in my dream of doing something wrong.  The thing I’m accused of doing I have no memory of doing, but somehow I know I did it.  Then in my dream I’m trying to make it right, but everyone in my dream will tell me it was allright.  For instance, I’m accused of stealing money from someone and I’m working feverishly to turn myself into authorities, but my best friends are telling me not to.  My entire dream will consist of dialague around the topic of me trying to do the right thing.  I also have a variation of this where somebody I know has done something terribly wrong, but I’m the only one that thinks so.

 

So Dr. Frued-like reader…what does it all mean?

Or why don’t you share your most common dream?

You do dream, don’t you?

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