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I Hate Sam Luce

It’s been rumored in Australia for years, but today I’m coming out with the truth that all my twitter followers have been curious about for years.  I really hate Sam Luce.  I’ve known Sam for over the past 4 years, and my hate for him has grown exponentially every day since our first meeting.  Really, it’s true!

He's really a Nice Guy, Promise.

It wasn’t hard, since I hate 100 things about Sam Luce; but I’ve carefully narrowed it down to my top 10 reasons I hate Sam Luce.  (Nowhere on this list will you find complaints about the removal of skulls from his website, or his continued insistence that 50 degrees isn’t cold.)

  1. He likes the Yankees.  Seriously?  Liking the Yankees is like rooting for bank robbers and high-fiving kid trippers.
  2. He always answers his phone.  Who does this?  Every time I call Sam he answers his phone.  He’s always available and never puts me off for another time.  So annoying.
  3. He is skinny.  I know what you’re thinking, “Aren’t you skinny?”  Yes I am, but I still hate Sam Luce for stealing all my skinny jokes.
  4. He’s worked at the same church for over a decade.  Again who does this?  Doesn’t he know that he’s supposed to church hop every few years?  Did he miss that class in bible school?  Somehow he’s stayed committed to one church, one body, one congregation, and the same families for years and years.
  5. He has never fully appreciated sweet tea or Chik-fil-a.  He’s from the north, and thinks the perfect Christian chicken sandwich is overrated.  This is so lame, he needs more sweet tea.
  6. He way too friendly.  Have you ever met him at a conference?  He’s always smiling and shaking hands and talking to people.  So annoying when all you want to do is go get dinner, but Sam is running for mayor by shaking hands and kissing babies.
  7.  He calls me just to talk.  This makes him the weirdest of the weird, he just calls to say hello.  Why can’t I ever think to do this?  Because he’s Mr. perfect, and I’m not.  I hate this.
  8.  He displays his hate for fanny packs, but we all know he really collects and stores them in his basement.  I’m going to his house next weekend, and I’m going to search and report on my findings.  This hypocrisy has to be revealed for the sin he is living in!  (Not the sin of fanny packs, the sin of covering up his love for them.)
  9.  He’s always wanting to pray with me.  Sometimes I want to just complain and gripe; but Sam is always wanting to pray with me about it.  Arghh!
  10. He doesn’t understand the difference between sharing fajitas and ordering fajitas for two!  He thinks that if you share “fajitas for two” that you have to share your fork as well.
I could go on and on, but it’s best put by saying that Sam is totally crazy and different than anyone else I’ve ever met.  On a serious note, he’s easily one of my best friends and one of the smartest, nicest, and hardest to hate people in the entire world.  You’re a good friend Sam Luce, and I’d share my fajitas with you any day.  And I’d even let you have your own fork.

Jonathan Cliff is married to his wife Starr and they together live out their days with two sons and a daughter. Jonathan serves as one of the Pastors at Grace Community Church in Clarksville, Tennessee; where he works with leaders throughout the city to help develop Christian community that leads to deep and meaningful spiritual friendships. His journey has been an adventurous one, having served in the local church for 15 years in family ministry developing leaders, building environments for kids and students to belong, and encouraging parents to take big spiritual steps with their families.

6 Comments

  1. samluce · August 16, 2011

    I thought I would break the comment ice and say Jonathan my friend if this is your  definition  of hate then the feeling is  mutual. Thanks for your friendship,encouragement and wisdom it means more to me than you will ever know.  

  2. kennyconley · August 18, 2011

    This was such a weird post.

  3. Lindsey Whitney · August 22, 2011

    Seriously, who does always answer their phone?  Not me.  I’m glad I won’t be making the hate list.  

  4. sarah · October 5, 2011

    Funny post.
    Jonathan,  Sam Luce is everything you speak of and more.     i have known Sam Luce for the past  35yrs and counting  …since i am his Sister i can say without hesitation he is true blue to the core.  What i love most about him is how when he talks with me, i feel as though i am the only one that matters to him in that moment.   He gives 110% of who is – i believe it is  Jim Elliot  says it best, “Wherever you are, Be all there.”     How blessed i am to call him my brother!!!