As I sit to write this I am 36 years old. There are so many things different about change in my 30’s, compared to change in my 20’s. I know that going through the process of transition was richly different than at any other stage in my life. I found myself wanting to be 100% who I am, and less who I think people may want me to be. Does that mean I’m 100% authentic? Of course not, I’m still completely human. But my motives and instincts are focused on giving people the best picture of who I am.
The biggest difference I’ve noticed in myself during this transition, than at other times in my life; has been comparing the opinions of myself with the opinions others have of me. When I was i my 20’s, I thought I knew most everything…or at least had a beat on most things. I also know that the 20 year old me had much higher opinion of myself than anyone around me did. Now I’m in my 30’s, and I find that I think much less of myself than others think of me. (False humility alert…beware.)
I find myself wanting to consult someone on something, and then remembering that I’m that person for others now. This blog post has completely shattered any chance of me being viewed as humble; but I’m just gonna say it. I’m not half as valuable as others think I am. It’s not that I’m terrible, and it’s not that I’m not an expert in some things. It’s that I live in that in-between place.
My prayer is that God helps make me the person I need to be for others to follow, and I pray at the exact same time that God would keep me humble enough to know when it’s time to back off that expert label a little. I pray that I stay willing to learn through all opinions that anyone could ever have of me…ever.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. -Ephesians 2:10