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Getting Your Kids to Talk to You


I’m a very verbal person, often needing to speak a few thousand words to ever get to my original point. My proneness to being verbal, has also helped me immensely as a parent. As a parent, it’s always a challenge to get your kids to talk with you. Parents of younger kids will think, “What? I can’t get my 1st grader to stop talking!”, but I’m talking about real-life conversations about important things. Do you give your kids the opportunity to have conversations with you?


Here are 3 fool-proof ways to create an atmosphere of words in your home

Set aside a time each day that conversation can actually take place. For the Cliff family this is dinner time, yes we still sit together and eat dinner, and bedtime. At those times, we force our lives to slow down or stop altogether, so that we can talk. The dinner conversations are family conversations, and the bedtime conversations are more personal in nature. This is a  rhythm  our family already has in place, and it’s easy to make it our word friendly moments.

Capture stories worth telling your family. Just last night I talked with the kids about a news article I had read about a young man that got into some serious trouble, because of where he was caught; even though he wasn’t actually doing anything wrong. It wasn’t meant to be dark, but it opened up tons of questions about the friends we keep. Because, ya know…“Your friends determine the direction and quality of your life.”

Ask questions at every  conceivable  opportunity. The story I refereneced above led itself to tons of questions that I simply asked my kids and then sat back and listened to their responses. I’m not talking about “Why did you do that?” type of questions, I’m suggesting the “What do you think about this?” with this being whatever you were telling them about.

I only have one piece of advice to parents everywhere that may be reading this. The best time to start these habits with your family is the day you bring your kids home from the hospital. Set that car seat up at the table, and talk to your spouse and the rest of the family. It will be a few years before they can answer questions, but you are establishing  rhythms  that will last for years to some. All this is true, but the next best time to start is right now. If you missed the opportunity early on, then just start now and keep going.

I understand that some teenagers are less than willing to share in conversations with you, that’s why I’d encourage you to just start where you are. If you’ve not established this, you will be coming from behind and you are  definitely  an underdog; but don’t give up. Find reasons to discover your teenagers opinion and ideas on anything and everything you can!


I’d also suggest visiting  PBS Parents: Strategies for Talking with your Kids.



Jonathan Cliff is married to his wife Starr and they together live out their days with two sons and a daughter. Jonathan serves as one of the Pastors at Grace Community Church in Clarksville, Tennessee; where he works with leaders throughout the city to help develop Christian community that leads to deep and meaningful spiritual friendships. His journey has been an adventurous one, having served in the local church for 15 years in family ministry developing leaders, building environments for kids and students to belong, and encouraging parents to take big spiritual steps with their families.

1 Comment

  1. Starr Cliff · March 11, 2013

    Thanks for leading our family well and implementing routines that encourage conversation! You’re great at it!