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On Being a Foster Parent

April 14, 2011 in Bible, Personal with 6 Comments

I’m so early in on this journey of being a foster parent.  But I’m inundated with the same question over and over and over and over…  I’m going to let Starr answer it as only she can.  She posted this over at her blog last week; but as I’m her husband and what she has is mine…I stole it to share with you.  It’s my answer as well.

Love is not self-seeking.
1 Corinthians 13:5

That’s what Father God whispers to me when it seems too hard.  When it seems like my heart won’t possibly be able to take it.  When I think that I will never, ever be able to cope when it comes time for this foster child to be taken out of my home and given back to his parents, or to whomever he’ll go to next.

When I start to feel that heaviness in my chest, and worry that the heartache of that experience –  of “giving him back” – that it will be too great a burden to put on my family, then Father God drops this verse in my heart again.  Love is not self-seeking. And I know that this journey that He’s called us to won’t be free of pain….but simultaneously feel such conviction that living to ensure the absence of pain in my life is not the life I want to live.  And so we choose love and the likelihood of pain over self-protection.

I know this isn’t the answer He would give everyone with that fear; that question that I’m asked nearly daily, “How will you ever give them back?” But for me, this is the answer that He brings loud and clear: Love is not self-seeking.

There are foster children in this city that need love.  No one questions that fact.  To be able to provide that love, but then refuse it because “it will hurt me when I have to give him back”, would be choosing to protect my own heart at the expense of withholding love from a child.  Choosing “me” over “them.”  For me, to continue to say “I can’t foster because I wouldn’t be able to handle giving them back”, meant I was knowingly and willingly seeking my own self-protection over offering love and hope to a child.   God changed my paradigm, and every time I tried to utter the words, “it would just be too hard to give them back”, my heart translated those words to “making sure I don’t feel hurt or pain is so very important to me, that I will not love these children.”  And that refrain of “it would just hurt me too much” when uttered from my mouth, started to sicken me.

I choose to love without regard for self.  I do it badly sometimes, with moments of self-pity and fear and worry.  But I forge ahead in my imperfection, and ask God to show me how to love like He does.  I ask Him to help me trust that He will be my comforter and friend in those times of pain.  I worry, “Is this too much of a burden for my children?  Is this unfair?  To let them love and care deeply for a foster child, then experience the pain of no longer having them?”  But I give those worries to Him and trust that He will use this time to teach my children from a very young age that He is a God of comfort and peace that passes understanding.  I pray my children will know that love is always the best choice, even if it hurts.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace

April 12, 2011 in Bible, Personal with 2 Comments

I do want to do good. I want to be defined by my ability to offer second chances, to show grace to nasty situations, and be a person that responds quickly in love. However, I’m constantly battling the same thing.  This thing could easily be stated as a question.

When an opportunity comes for me to show grace, or maybe the situation is screaming for me to give a second chance, or maybe I’m convicted deep within my heart to act quickly to extend love to an unloveable person…I’m confronted with this question somewhere down in my heart and mind.

“Is this convenient right now?”

What a stupid question.  I’m not saying that I verbally say this to myself, or even articulate my thoughts to think this question.  What I do is use this question as the filter through which I make all grace that comes from me pass through.  It’s a lousy self-centered filter, but nonetheless the Inconvenient Nature of Grace is difficult to overcome.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace is a struggle for me, because at it’s heart the question of whether something is convenient for me is important.  There are many varieties of the question:

Can I afford this financially right now?

What will my wife say if I do this without talking to her first?

Do I have a family commitment to make right now?

Is this really a part of my job description?

All of these questions are good to ask for most situations, but to be a person defined by giving second chances, extending grace, and reflecting God’s heart to teh world…I have to move beyond it.  And beyond it quickly.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

That’s my confession.  What keeps you from quickly showing Grace when the situation calls for it?  Admit it.  What’s your filter?

Never Forget

December 28, 2010 in Bible, Personal with 0 Comments

Never Forget As we head into a new year, I thought it would be appropriate to share something that I preached on back in March of 2010. It makes me as uncomfortable as possible to throw recorded audio of my voice into the blogosphere, but here goes.  It’s a passage out of Deuteronomy 8:7-18, about how we have to deliberately work hard to make sure that in good times and bad that we Never Forget where God has taken us from.

I give you “Never Forget”. Sermon was preached (taught, spoken, yelled, etc…) on Sunday, March 14th, 2010.

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“You shall remember the Lord your God…”

Deuteronomy 8:18

Findability

November 11, 2010 in Bible, Ministry with 5 Comments

Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13 is one of my favorite verses in all of the bible.  It’s God’s Promise that he will always make himself findable to me.  Being able to find something when I really need it, is important to me.  Knowing that when things are confusing and dark, that God is always findable is of great comfort.  As I work to create environments for kids each weekend it is always a goal to make sure that God is findable to kids.

How do we make God as findable as possible? It starts with making sure that we actually talk about Jesus.  A novel concept, I know.  It’s easy to partake in storytelling, pushing out that “bottom line” teaching, and working through worship songs without ever mentioning the name of Jesus.  When I teach I try to always tie back what we’ve learned to Jesus.  He fits everywhere, trust me.

Second, we cover our areas with prayer.  We actually pray prayers like, “Lord, help these kids today see you in the midst of all that we will be doing.” Don’t underestimate the power of prayer.  Its after these prayer encounters, that I will often begin to see the best ways to bring attention back to God throughout my time with kids.

Third, we always, always, always, always, always remind kids why we are even at church.  Kids can easily get lost in the hurry and rush of Sunday Morning, and it’s my job to make sure that they remember we are here at church to worship, learn, and grow.  When we take a few minutes to welcome kids each morning, I remind them that we are here at church for a reason.  Even if Mom and Dad brought them…they are still here for a reason.

Finally, I always work to make sure that we are as distraction-free as possible.  I’m not sure about you, but I know that for me to see God clearly I need to eliminate distractions.  For me, it’s computers, music, other people, and maybe even a good old-fashioned fast to get my focus on Him.  For kids, it’s about making sure that when somebody is doing our large group storytelling, that they alone command the attention.  When small group leaders are leading, we want to make sure kids are only focused on what they are leading.

So how do you make God as findable as possible in your Kidmin environments?

God’s Big Surprise

April 4, 2010 in Bible, Links with 1 Comment

I love this entry from the Jesus Storybook Bible.  May we remember God’s Big Surprise for us this weekend and beyond.

Matthew 28:6 “He is not here; for he is risen, even as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.”

Ephesians 1:7 “in whom we have our redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,”

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