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My Orange Story

April 25, 2011 in Ministry, Personal with 0 Comments

All week long I’ll be blogging from The Orange Conference, and I thought it would be worthwhile to share some of my own Orange story.  This year it will be my 4th Orange Conference to attend, and boy have I come a long way baby!

In April of 2008 I attended my first Orange Conference.  I had been at Trinity Church for almost one year, and had picked the Orange Conference because it looked different than most of the Children’s Ministry conferences.  I took a key volunteer with me as a travel buddy, and the two of us putted around all week thinking…”This will never work!” and “How could this happen at Trinity?” and generally trying not to be discouraged about where I was at and where I wanted to be.

But sometime between that first conference experience at Orange and the next 12 months I got a vision for what could be.  I knew my limitations, and what may not work; but I was unwilling to throw in the towel.  We started taking teeny, tiny Orange baby steps to connect our families with our Children’s Ministry.  Then little by little it started to happen.  Things that had for so long been church-only (YELLOW) events started to look more like church & family (ORANGE) happenings.  I attended the 2009 Orange Conference all by myself; but was able to meet up with some friends that encouraged where we were headed at Trinity and shared some of their own stories of change.  In 2010, I attended the Orange Conference for the 3rd time; but this time brought along my boss and saw him catch a unique vision for our church.  It was happening.

Then in 2010, we started to gather some big momentum as we shifted the ministry at Trinity to our children into a more relational-based small group model.  And here’s the kicker, it actually worked.  In a church that has struggled to get volunteers to work with children, we started to turn it around.  In a church that has struggled to get parents involved in the key life-decisions of their children, we started to see large amounts of parents respond to our baptism and salvation conversations.  Parents turned out in large numbers for a special Child Dedication experience, and our Nursery and Early Childhood areas started to have a spirit of excellence that had not existed previously.  It was happening for us.  Parents (RED) were responding to us at the church (YELLOW) and we were seeing the first hints of an ORANGE atmosphere.

In January of this year, my role has shifted and changed to taking some of these things we’ve had success with in Children’s Ministry to our Student Ministries and College-Age Ministries; and I could not be more excited.  I’m in the position now of being able to cast vision, and hold accountable an entire Next Generations Ministry team to reach our city, families, and church with the single, greatest hope given to us in history.  That Jesus can save the world!

The journey I’ve been on in the past 4 years, is just that.  It’s a journey.  It’s not yet completed, as there is progress to be made while still maintaining the ability to be flexible to the needs of our growing church.  As I look at my 2011 goal sheets, it’s Orange in color; but still bright Yellow and bright Red in places.  It’s a great journey and adventure to make the brightest yellows and the shiniest reds work together in a beautiful Orange shade.

On Being a Foster Parent

April 14, 2011 in Bible, Personal with 6 Comments

I’m so early in on this journey of being a foster parent.  But I’m inundated with the same question over and over and over and over…  I’m going to let Starr answer it as only she can.  She posted this over at her blog last week; but as I’m her husband and what she has is mine…I stole it to share with you.  It’s my answer as well.

Love is not self-seeking.
1 Corinthians 13:5

That’s what Father God whispers to me when it seems too hard.  When it seems like my heart won’t possibly be able to take it.  When I think that I will never, ever be able to cope when it comes time for this foster child to be taken out of my home and given back to his parents, or to whomever he’ll go to next.

When I start to feel that heaviness in my chest, and worry that the heartache of that experience –  of “giving him back” – that it will be too great a burden to put on my family, then Father God drops this verse in my heart again.  Love is not self-seeking. And I know that this journey that He’s called us to won’t be free of pain….but simultaneously feel such conviction that living to ensure the absence of pain in my life is not the life I want to live.  And so we choose love and the likelihood of pain over self-protection.

I know this isn’t the answer He would give everyone with that fear; that question that I’m asked nearly daily, “How will you ever give them back?” But for me, this is the answer that He brings loud and clear: Love is not self-seeking.

There are foster children in this city that need love.  No one questions that fact.  To be able to provide that love, but then refuse it because “it will hurt me when I have to give him back”, would be choosing to protect my own heart at the expense of withholding love from a child.  Choosing “me” over “them.”  For me, to continue to say “I can’t foster because I wouldn’t be able to handle giving them back”, meant I was knowingly and willingly seeking my own self-protection over offering love and hope to a child.   God changed my paradigm, and every time I tried to utter the words, “it would just be too hard to give them back”, my heart translated those words to “making sure I don’t feel hurt or pain is so very important to me, that I will not love these children.”  And that refrain of “it would just hurt me too much” when uttered from my mouth, started to sicken me.

I choose to love without regard for self.  I do it badly sometimes, with moments of self-pity and fear and worry.  But I forge ahead in my imperfection, and ask God to show me how to love like He does.  I ask Him to help me trust that He will be my comforter and friend in those times of pain.  I worry, “Is this too much of a burden for my children?  Is this unfair?  To let them love and care deeply for a foster child, then experience the pain of no longer having them?”  But I give those worries to Him and trust that He will use this time to teach my children from a very young age that He is a God of comfort and peace that passes understanding.  I pray my children will know that love is always the best choice, even if it hurts.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace

April 12, 2011 in Bible, Personal with 2 Comments

I do want to do good. I want to be defined by my ability to offer second chances, to show grace to nasty situations, and be a person that responds quickly in love. However, I’m constantly battling the same thing.  This thing could easily be stated as a question.

When an opportunity comes for me to show grace, or maybe the situation is screaming for me to give a second chance, or maybe I’m convicted deep within my heart to act quickly to extend love to an unloveable person…I’m confronted with this question somewhere down in my heart and mind.

“Is this convenient right now?”

What a stupid question.  I’m not saying that I verbally say this to myself, or even articulate my thoughts to think this question.  What I do is use this question as the filter through which I make all grace that comes from me pass through.  It’s a lousy self-centered filter, but nonetheless the Inconvenient Nature of Grace is difficult to overcome.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace is a struggle for me, because at it’s heart the question of whether something is convenient for me is important.  There are many varieties of the question:

Can I afford this financially right now?

What will my wife say if I do this without talking to her first?

Do I have a family commitment to make right now?

Is this really a part of my job description?

All of these questions are good to ask for most situations, but to be a person defined by giving second chances, extending grace, and reflecting God’s heart to teh world…I have to move beyond it.  And beyond it quickly.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

That’s my confession.  What keeps you from quickly showing Grace when the situation calls for it?  Admit it.  What’s your filter?

Not Being a Jerk

March 24, 2011 in Ministry, Personal with 10 Comments

Are you a nice person?  Are you an encourager?  Do people want to be in your presence?

Are you a jerk?  Do you push people away with insulting behavior and a lack of respect?

There is great power and influence in simply being a nice person.  Of course you could lead by demanding and pushing out those that resist, but then you will probably end  up working in a different place than the local church…right?  Unfortunately, this isn’t the case; and I’ve had my fair share of “What are they thinking?” moments with supervisors and pastors I’ve worked for in the church.  But when you make a decision to be a nicer person to those around you, you will open doors of opportunity to truly impact people around you with your vision for where you want to go!


There are probably 1,000 things that could help you be nicer to those around you, but have you considered these?

  • Have someone over for dinner.
  • Take someone to coffee.
  • Write a thank you note.
  • Send an unwarranted mobile text saying thank you.
  • Smile at people.
  • Stop complaining in the presence of others.
  • Stop conversations that are turning negative.
  • Compliment someones shoes.
  • Give people time to answer the question, “How are you doing?”
  • Be intentional about getting to know people.
  • Be generous with your time.
  • Open your life up for others to see.
  • Make eye contact when listening to someone.
  • Talk to children.  Really, really talk to them.
  • Introduce your spouse to new people.
  • Have a firm handshake and offer your hand to strangers.
  • Don’t brag about yourself.
  • Wear deodorant and brush your teeth.
  • Speak complimentary of your superiors and bosses.
  • Praise good things in others.
  • Laugh often.
  • Don’t laugh when it’s not appropriate.
  • Ask forgiveness when it’s needed.
  • Be quick to pray for people when they open up about a need.
  • Listen well, Talk less.

And most importantly, just try to be nice.  I can promise that if you intentionally set out to be a nicer person, it will happen.  People are much more gracious than you would imagine, and there is room for bad days here and there.  The power of forgiveness compliments this so well!

When we strive to be a person that is concerned for others, then we can become an influencer of people.  When you influence people, you can help lead others through life change!  The power to influence others may be the greatest power given to us, and it all starts with learning to NOT be a jerk!

I’m a Dreamer

March 15, 2011 in Personal with 6 Comments

I’m a dreamer.  I don’t mean it in some creative, “I have a dream” sort of way.  I mean I actually dream.  I can honestly say that I have a dream almost every night.  I will have a dream if I lay down and take a 20 minute nap.  Before I was married, I never knew it was so strange to dream this much.  Others tell me that they never dream at night; and if they do it’s rare.  So why do I dream so much?  Let me tell you about these dreams, and then I’m gonna jump on your shrink couch and let you help me with some dream interpretation.


I dream in color.  I dream with vivid and real-life detail.  Sometimes my dreams involve people I’ve only met once, like a memorable cashier at the grocery store; and sometimes I dream about people that I’ve never seen.  I do dream the most about people I know very well.  The thing is that people behave differently in my dreams than I have to assume they ever would in real life.  You should see yourself in my dreams!

I dream terrible nightmares.  I’m not someone tormented by nightmares, but when I have a bad dream it is hardly forgettable.  I have a couple of doozies that I had when I was much younger, and they still give me chills when I remember them.  Something about my dreams (and unfortunately nightmares) seem terrible realistic to me.  Often times when waking up from a dream, I have to walk around the room and convince myself it was just a dream.  Yes, I walk around and talk to myself.  What of it?

I dream about conflict.  Many of my dreams involve a great conflict that I’m struggling through.  And I’m talking real-life conflict, not fighting aliens.  These dreams involve me trying to decide the best way to fire someone at work, or how I can have a difficult conversation with my wife, or asking someone for money.  And it should be noted that rarely does the conflict actually occur in my dream, the dream itself is all the things leading up to the confrontation.

I dream about things I love.  I’m 35 years old, and I still dream of quarterbacking the Dallas Cowboys or hitting leadoff for the Texas Rangers.  Strange, right?  It should also be noted, that in these dreams I’m as confused as you are as to how I can do these things, but people in my dream tell me I can.  If they believe it, then I have to believe it too…right?

Which leads me to the big one. I have one recurring dream.  The scenario changes from dream to dream but it always includes the same thing.  The dream involves everyone telling me something is right, that I know is wrong.  Sometimes I’m accused in my dream of doing something wrong.  The thing I’m accused of doing I have no memory of doing, but somehow I know I did it.  Then in my dream I’m trying to make it right, but everyone in my dream will tell me it was allright.  For instance, I’m accused of stealing money from someone and I’m working feverishly to turn myself into authorities, but my best friends are telling me not to.  My entire dream will consist of dialague around the topic of me trying to do the right thing.  I also have a variation of this where somebody I know has done something terribly wrong, but I’m the only one that thinks so.

 

So Dr. Frued-like reader…what does it all mean?

Or why don’t you share your most common dream?

You do dream, don’t you?

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