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5 Things that Matter to Families

May 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

5-things

There are days that I’m parenting, and think…“This really matters. Right now, what I’m doing matters. I wish other parents knew how much this really mattered!” It was a collection of those moments that led me to start tracking them more closely. Of course, there were way too many of them to list on any one blog page. So I boiled them down to these 5 things.

Here are 5 Ideas that Matter for my Family: 

Adventure matters. Building faith by taking risks, doing things that hurt and cause pain, venturing into the unknown, and holding hands as a family throughout big change. We don’t create adventure necessarily for adventure’s sake, but we do look for the adventure in all that we do. I’ve seen it through foster parenting, changing jobs, changing schools, and going to new places with new friends. Adventure really matters. It exposes the real us, while also bringing us together.

Fun matters. Vacations and birthday parties really have a place. They matter because memories matter. As a father, I’m the one that carries the mantle for making sure we laugh and enjoy our times together. There is fun to be had on very little money, just lay back far enough to let it happen. I want my kids to really ‘act their age’ and that age is fun!

Talking matters. Everything should happen within the context of sincere relationship. We don’t need forgiveness from people we don’t know. Want your kid to be able to ask for forgiveness? Then let them get to know you. That only happens through quality time spent in building relationships. It’s not always easy work getting everyone talking, but when families talk we become a better family. Talk it out!

Learning matters. Getting better at school, learning a new sport, or becoming more adept at using an instrument. We learn, we listen, we learn, we listen…repeat. We are the best teachers our kid will ever have, but we also learn as we lead them. Build a heart for learning in your kids by being a learner yourself. Watch television that has a point, read books that interest the entire family, and share your spiritual growth experiences with your children. Learn something!

Community matters. Our family is important, but it’s still a family within a family. There are other dads, moms, and 5th graders in the world. We are all in this together, and our kids need to see it. Go to church, share community. Make it a priority, and watch the community come to your rescue as you lead your own family. It really works, and I believe in it enough to dedicate my entire professional life to helping it do so!

 

 

 

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Extracurricular Paradise

May 1, 2013 — 2 Comments

sports

Baseball, soccer, and gymnastics make up many afternoons and evenings in our house. It would seem that we enjoy the sports-scene, and that is very true. I love watching my kids run around a baseball field, learn to get better at soccer, and take on the challenge of a new gymnastics routine. However, I also know there are limits to every good thing. There is a place we can get into with extracurricular activities that begin to push us beyond a healthy pace.

Here are the Cliff family guardrails to help keep these outside interests in proper perspective:

The kids have to enjoy it. Yes, they are forced to finish what they commit to. Yes, they are forced to attend practices. No, I do not force them to sign-up each season. I want my kids to enjoy the experience, and if they are only doing it because I like them to do, then it won’t last. The fun has to be there for it to really work.

They have to do something extracurricular. While I don’t require them to do one thing over another, I do require them to do something outside of the normal. It could be sports, music, or art classes. We’ve had them involved in each of those at one time or another.

There is an end date in view. Baseball is a spring sport. It is not a fall sport for our family. Soccer is 10 weeks long, not 25 weeks long for our family. Granted, my kids aren’t yet teenagers, but we work hard to make sure the experience has a clear ending time.

All normal rules apply. They need to make wise choices, they should treat others the way they wanted to be treated, and they will use the experience to show Christs love in a practical way. Extracurricular isn’t an escape from reality, it’s a new arena to practice all that life expects from us.

Give our best. Giving your very best involves practicing, trying hard, and never giving up when things get tough. In fact, that’s probably why I lean so strongly towards competitive sports. There is something to working together as a team to accomplish a goal that I love my kids to be involved with.

Of course, there are always exceptions. These are just some healthy ways we keep all that we do in the right perspective. We are a family FIRST, we are not baseball players first. We are a family FIRST, we are not slaves to gymnastics practice. We are a family FIRST, we are not victims of the soccer schedule.

How do you keep things healthy for your kids in these busy seasons?

 

 

 

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Rhythms that Work for My Family: Going to Bed

April 22, 2013 — Leave a comment

moon-and-stars

It’s the end of another long day, and it’s bedtime. My kids are old enough to get themselves dressed now, and don’t really need a “tucking” into bed. Their rooms are upstairs, and I’m out back on the porch enjoying the crickets and solitude. It is often tempting to let them meander themselves to bed, turn out their own lights, and then I’ll see them in the morning.

However, in my quest to make a lasting impression on my kids, I rise from the porch and commit myself to the last consistent rhythm to each day: Putting My Kids to Bed.

There are a few things that happen every night, and a few other things that happen upon request from the kids:

The GoodBye Handshake. You’ve got one with your kids, right? It’s secret, and we practice it everyday. It’s unique to just Dylan and Dad, but don’t worry, because Dylan has another secret handshake with Mom too.

Kiss the Girl. I kiss my boys, but they never ask for it. My daughter however, insists on it. Why would any sane father pass up a request like that? I’ve heard from older dads that it won’t always be there, and that fear alone makes me rarely pass on signs of affection from my little girl.

Saying Thank You. Many nights I work to find something really excellent my kids have done on that day, and tell them that I saw it. Maybe it’s a clean room, or a good grade on a spelling test, but I always try to leave them with something I really love about their day. Sometimes it can be difficult, but it’s usually there somewhere.

Ask about Tomorrow. Anything on your mind for tomorrow? Want to pray for anything that’s coming up?

Pray. I wish I could sincerely tell you that I pray with my kids each night, but it just doesn’t happen every single night. I read once that our kids aren’t given to us, as much as they are gifted to us for a season. That being true, I always use it as an excuse to pray this prayer:

“Thank you Jesus for letting Ryan live in my house and be my child. I’ll always be grateful for the gift that he is to this family. Help me to be a father he will follow, and help Ryan grow just a little closer to you every day. Amen.”

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Rhythms that Work for My Family: Dinner Time

April 17, 2013 — Leave a comment

DinnerTogether

Deuteronomy 6:7 “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

I like to eat. Granted I don’t eat a ton, as I tend to fall into the skinny category of body shapes; but I do love a good meal. In fact, I love it so much that I eat every day. More than that, I eat more than once throughout the day. You might have heard of them, but we call it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If I have to eat, and I know that everyone else in my family has to eat, then it’s important that I leverage this commonality to get that quality time any way I can.

It has long been a rhythm in our house that we eat dinner together. When the kids were little, we would throw that baby carrier up on the table with us. When they were little and throwing cheerios all over the place, they would be joined by very on-guard parents attempting to eat their meals at the same time.

I know live in that moment where we’ve got soccer and baseball monopolizing nights away from home, but we still work hard to make it happen. What’s the secret?

Not all meals are the same. Take what you can get when you can get it.

Sometimes we have time and great conversations filled with questions and answers and stories and happenings from all over the neighborhood and world. But many times we just eat together for 5 minutes before we run out of the house, and in do so we are forcing ourselves to sit together. In this world of busy-ness, that sitting together is the most valuable thing we have sometimes.

I remember having foster kids in our house, and when we’d all sit down together to eat we’d get the funniest looks. When a 4 year old shoots you the, “This is funny. Are we all going to eat together?” look then we knew something was missing from their lives. This rhythm has always been our gift to whoever is living in our house at any given time. In fact, if you’ve ever been invited over to dinner then you’ve been allowed in on our most hallowed time together!

How can you make dinner time work for you? Have you found this valuable for your family?

 

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Rhythms that Work for My Family: Driving to School

April 15, 2013 — Leave a comment

Driving

Deuteronomy 6:7 “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

As a parent it can be exhausting to “find the time” to talk about what’s important. There is tremendous value in finding the time that is already there to get you started. Here is an actual nearly daily event that my family has found to be valuable.

Driving to school each morning is our first main interaction as a family.

I know, I know…we are around each other much earlier while getting ready, and sometimes eating breakfast; but we are not morning people in our house and any meaningful conversations tend to happen on the way to school.

I try not to “teach” on this car trip, as much as just remind them that I’m praying about the things that matter to them at school that day. I simply ask,

“What happening that’s a big deal at school today?”

It’s through that conversation that I can remind them how they are gifted to get through whatever their answer is. It’s also when I find out what’s on their mind in the morning, and it’s where I can speak into how excited I am for what their day holds.

It’s also on this car trip that we get to set the tone for our day. I point out beautiful sunsets, foggy meadows, and dew on the grass. I’m a nature inspired follower of God, and I get to share this with my kids each morning driving to school.

When we finally get to the end of our 5 minute drive, I always, always, always, always tell them that I believe they were made for the day they are about to have. It’s my way of coaching them into what could be a very important day for them. I’m not a rah-rah sort of dad, but why miss an obvious chance to send them off with some love?

What are some ways you use the mornings to introduce faith to your family?

 

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