Tag Archive - family

5 Things that Stress Me Out

May 31, 2011 in Ministry, Personal with 4 Comments

I was talking to someone the other day about job-related stress; and as I listened to them go on and on about how hard their job is and how stressful it was for them to work with certain people something dawned on me.  I realized that often when it comes to my role here at the church, I don’t really carry a ton of stress.  I’m not saying that church-work is stress free, but that I’ve learned to manage work related stress easier than other kinds of stress.

I can remember stressing out in a major way about big upcoming church events, or meeting with certain people on my staff and dreading every interaction and potential failure.  However, I really don’t stress about it too much anymore.  I would say that maybe I’ve learned that some things will work themselves out, and many of the dramas associated with church and ministry will work them selves out just fine without me stressing out over them.

So what do I stress out about? That’s a question I walked away from the above conversation thinking through… and here are 5 things I came up with:

  • My wife stresses me out.  Now hold your horses before you go jumping to conclusions, my wife is a terrific person and does nothing in and of herself to purposefully stress me out.  What I mean is that if things are not right between us, it stresses me out.  I need the two of us to be on the same page on 90% of what’s happening in our lives, or I will feel massive amounts of stress.
  • My kids super-stress me out.  Now here I’ll hold nothing back, plain and simply they stress me out.  They yell when they should be quiet, then don’t always do as they’re told, they leave little things on the floor for me to step on when I have my shoes off, and they rarely act considerate in any way.  But of course they’re kids, so what can they do about any of that?  I’m not saying it ruins my day, but if I don’t have the right perspective when I get home…my kids will stress me out.
  • My future stresses me out.  I don’t always like this “not knowing” part of life, and it can stress me out occasionally.
  • Money stresses me out.  Not the “how will I ever spend this much” kind of stress, but the “I need more of this” kind of money stress.  I’m getting better, but honestly it has a tendency to stress me out.
  • Work.  I know I said earlier that work doesn’t stress me out a ton, but I’d be lying if I said it NEVER stresses me out.  Particularly the part of managing a group of diverse individuals, and wanting God’s best for them while at the same time being held accountable to God’s best for my church.  This always stresses me out the most at my work part of life.

Anything you stress about?  Or am I the only person in the entire world that carries a little bit of stress around with me?  Do share in the comment section RIGHT NOW!

What My 9 Year Old is Teaching Me

May 26, 2011 in Personal with 0 Comments

Today my oldest child, Ryan, turns 9 years old. It also happens to be his last day of the 3rd grade, and he’s suffered through another entire year of being the youngest kid in his grade. Every year it’s the same thing, “You’re only turning 9? I turn 10 next month!” He’s always a year behind everyone, but if you know Ryan at all; you’d know that he’s not that far behind in many other areas.

Ryan Cliff – A 3rd Grade Self-Portrait

Here is a list of things I’m learning from my 9 year old:

  • He’s gifted to absorb and feel. He hears things going on that many of us don’t. We jokingly call him our “emotional sponge” but that really isn’t such a bad thing now, is it?
  • He’s always been the most thoughtful of kids. He will go out of his way to encourage someone, and many times we find out about what he’s done days and weeks later. I think he gets much of this from his entire family, but he’s a great representative of the Cliff Family home when he’s not in it. I never worry about him NOT saying thank you or failing to apologize when it’s called for.
  • He’s not boastful, which makes him different immediately from many of his 9 and 10 year old peers. He’s not secretive about what he’s good at, he’s just concerned that what comes easy to him will alienate those that aren’t good at the same things.
  • He listens first, and speaks second. I’m learning that this is oftentimes the best way to react and live.
  • He’s creative. Don’t believe me? Well, you should see the things he makes out of our trash. There are very few pieces of paper that haven’t been cut, folded, and painted into some sort of magical object (or weapon.)
  • He learns. I know everyone says that their kid ask tons of questions, and Ryan definitely does ask questions. However, he doesn’t ask to be cute or to prolong conversations anymore. He ask questions to learn. He’s always learning, evaluating, and preparing for something new and different.

I’m a proud parent of the qualities I see in my now 9 year old, and the thought that at 9 years old we’ve reached the 1/2 way point of his time under my roof is jarring. However, I’ve never been more excited for the future of my oldest kid than I am today. He’s well on his way to knowing Jesus in new and profound ways, and I’m glad that we still have the rest of our lives to watch him grow into the man of God that I’ve always prayed he would become.
Happy Birthday Ryan!

On Being a Foster Parent

April 14, 2011 in Bible, Personal with 6 Comments

I’m so early in on this journey of being a foster parent.  But I’m inundated with the same question over and over and over and over…  I’m going to let Starr answer it as only she can.  She posted this over at her blog last week; but as I’m her husband and what she has is mine…I stole it to share with you.  It’s my answer as well.

Love is not self-seeking.
1 Corinthians 13:5

That’s what Father God whispers to me when it seems too hard.  When it seems like my heart won’t possibly be able to take it.  When I think that I will never, ever be able to cope when it comes time for this foster child to be taken out of my home and given back to his parents, or to whomever he’ll go to next.

When I start to feel that heaviness in my chest, and worry that the heartache of that experience –  of “giving him back” – that it will be too great a burden to put on my family, then Father God drops this verse in my heart again.  Love is not self-seeking. And I know that this journey that He’s called us to won’t be free of pain….but simultaneously feel such conviction that living to ensure the absence of pain in my life is not the life I want to live.  And so we choose love and the likelihood of pain over self-protection.

I know this isn’t the answer He would give everyone with that fear; that question that I’m asked nearly daily, “How will you ever give them back?” But for me, this is the answer that He brings loud and clear: Love is not self-seeking.

There are foster children in this city that need love.  No one questions that fact.  To be able to provide that love, but then refuse it because “it will hurt me when I have to give him back”, would be choosing to protect my own heart at the expense of withholding love from a child.  Choosing “me” over “them.”  For me, to continue to say “I can’t foster because I wouldn’t be able to handle giving them back”, meant I was knowingly and willingly seeking my own self-protection over offering love and hope to a child.   God changed my paradigm, and every time I tried to utter the words, “it would just be too hard to give them back”, my heart translated those words to “making sure I don’t feel hurt or pain is so very important to me, that I will not love these children.”  And that refrain of “it would just hurt me too much” when uttered from my mouth, started to sicken me.

I choose to love without regard for self.  I do it badly sometimes, with moments of self-pity and fear and worry.  But I forge ahead in my imperfection, and ask God to show me how to love like He does.  I ask Him to help me trust that He will be my comforter and friend in those times of pain.  I worry, “Is this too much of a burden for my children?  Is this unfair?  To let them love and care deeply for a foster child, then experience the pain of no longer having them?”  But I give those worries to Him and trust that He will use this time to teach my children from a very young age that He is a God of comfort and peace that passes understanding.  I pray my children will know that love is always the best choice, even if it hurts.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace

April 12, 2011 in Bible, Personal with 2 Comments

I do want to do good. I want to be defined by my ability to offer second chances, to show grace to nasty situations, and be a person that responds quickly in love. However, I’m constantly battling the same thing.  This thing could easily be stated as a question.

When an opportunity comes for me to show grace, or maybe the situation is screaming for me to give a second chance, or maybe I’m convicted deep within my heart to act quickly to extend love to an unloveable person…I’m confronted with this question somewhere down in my heart and mind.

“Is this convenient right now?”

What a stupid question.  I’m not saying that I verbally say this to myself, or even articulate my thoughts to think this question.  What I do is use this question as the filter through which I make all grace that comes from me pass through.  It’s a lousy self-centered filter, but nonetheless the Inconvenient Nature of Grace is difficult to overcome.

The Inconvenient Nature of Grace is a struggle for me, because at it’s heart the question of whether something is convenient for me is important.  There are many varieties of the question:

Can I afford this financially right now?

What will my wife say if I do this without talking to her first?

Do I have a family commitment to make right now?

Is this really a part of my job description?

All of these questions are good to ask for most situations, but to be a person defined by giving second chances, extending grace, and reflecting God’s heart to teh world…I have to move beyond it.  And beyond it quickly.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

That’s my confession.  What keeps you from quickly showing Grace when the situation calls for it?  Admit it.  What’s your filter?

Sponsor with Compassion

April 7, 2011 in Links with 0 Comments

For my wife’s birthday a few years ago, we sponsored a child through Compassion International.  Manuu lives in India, and is very close in age to my oldest son.  We know that he lives in a very rural area of India, and his mother is unemployed and his father is sometimes employed as a farmer.   We have worked hard to make Manuu a part of our family by teaching our kids about where he lives, and what his life may be like.  (See the India Family Night…)

I don’t know if I’ll ever meet with Manuu.  I know that he’s learning read the letters we write to him, and I know that by making my monthly support to Compassion International I am helping in some small way.  This month I’ve got a Compassion International as a new site sponsor and I’m thrilled that it’s an organization my family and I already support.

If you are not sponsoring a child through Compassion or joining them in their relief efforts in areas of the world that need them; then start today.  There is a child somewhere out there that needs what your family can offer them.  It may possible be the best $38 a month that you ever spend!

 

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