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Guest Post: “I don’t know anything about me.” // Starr Cliff

March 9, 2011 in Personal with 1 Comment

That’s what he finally choked out:

“…I don’t know anything about me.”

At Trinity Church, elementary-aged kids are checked into Kidsplace each week by their parents, using an electronic key fob like the one above; or, if that’s misplaced, they can use touch screen computers to enter their phone number.

One Sunday morning recently, I saw a little boy standing sheepishly near the entrance. He didn’t have an adult with him, so I went over to help him out. I asked if he had ever been to Kidsplace before. He looked mildy panicked at the question. He stammered “Umm…maybe? I think I’ve been here…once? I’m not sure. I can’t remember.” Hmm. Okay. I walked him over to the touch screens and explained that if he had ever visited, his phone number would be in the system and we could get him all set with a name tag. Panic registered on his face once again. He looked down at the floor, and I thought maybe he was embarrassed because didn’t know his phone number. No big deal. I started to explain that it was no problem; we’d just manually enter his name and grade and print up a name tag. No sweat! But before I could explain he looked up and with a sigh of resignation quietly said,

“I’m a foster kid. I don’t know anything about me.”

Now on a cognitive level, I knew he meant that he didn’t know his information. He didn’t know his address or phone number, and couldn’t remember if Trinity was one of the many churches he had visited. But that statement…I don’t know anything about me…it broke my heart for him. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know if I’m valuable. I don’t know if I have a family who will love me forever. I don’t know if I’m merely being tolerated. I don’t know anything about me. The worries of an orphan’s heart, on display before me.

Panic. Embarrassment. Resignation. These were the emotions he registered within a 2 minute span…because he didn’t know who he was. And sadly, some of those emotions feel all too familiar to me and to the girlfriends I love: Panic over the future. Embarrassment over our looks. Resignation that we will never change. Too many of our days are filled with these emotions because we don’t know who we are. We’re living like orphans, when we are daughters! Not one of us is fatherless. Not one doesn’t belong.

ParentLife Magazine Winner

March 4, 2011 in Ministry with 2 Comments

I wrote about the greatness of the new ParentLife Magazine, or more appropriately…the new redesign of ParentLife on Monday. If you haven’t read my thoughts, then be sure to head over to that post right now and read why you should consider an inaffordable subscription to a great parenting resource.

In that post, I also promised a one year subscription to one lucky commenter on the blog post. I said that you could comment once a day for five days, and then I would randomly pick one of the comments for the prize. And our winner is:

Kelly entered twice, and therefore doubled her chance of winning! I personally know our winner this time around, and I can guarantee you that the prize could not go to a more wonderful family. Enjoy the prize Kelly, and remember that if you’d like to see ParentLife for yourself then please go visit them today at www.lifeway.com/parentlife.

Doing Smart Things

March 1, 2011 in Personal with 10 Comments

It’s March, and I’m approaching my 35th birthday. Compared to some people (See Gina and Sam) this isn’t really that old yet, but I feel like I’ve learned a few things over the years. After 12 years of marriage, I’ve learned that there is a right time to say certain things to my wife, and most defiently other times that are not the right time. After 8 years of being a parent, I’ve learned that quiet and solitude are things of the past, and that coaching sports is never as glamorous as they make it sound. After 11 years of living in Texas, I’ve learned that things really are bigger here.

: Image Source: bizarrocomics.com/

And after 10 years of working in and around churches with all different sorts of ages (predominantly children), I’ve learned a few other things. Here is that list:

Prepare for the weekend. Even when you don’t think you need to, just go ahead and prepare like you need to prepare. I don’t teach every weekend, but I still prepare as if I am. You read that right. I take time to look over Kindergarten lessons, Elementary storytelling segments, and all small group materials. I’m not claiming to be totally 100% prepared, and ready to teach at any level; but I’m at the very least familiar with what’s going on in most every area I’m responsible for.
Say Thank You. Simply put, it’s my #1 gift to those that serve all around me. There are a few 1,000 ways to do this, but the easiest of these is to just say it.
Clean your shoes. I didn’t say this list was perfect, but I’ve learned that a pair of nicely polished shoes or clean converse’s can go a long way with people. Don’t believe me? Good for you.
Speak well of those that don’t speak well of you. There is no easier way to make someone look like a fool than to find positive things to say about that person (hopefully person and not persons…) that continually speaks ill of you.
Get good at shaking hands. There is such a thing as a wimpy handshake. If you disagree with this one, then I can guarantee you are offering wet fish handshakes to the rest of us. Come on, firm that handshake up and watch your respect level rise!
Be good at what you do. I guess this should be obvious, but whatever your job description is where ever you work; you should be exceeding this and more every day you do your job. Be good at what you do, is my little secret to you. You’re welcome.
Do whatever it takes to make kids like you. It is always worth the investment to spend time with children. After a while of being around kids, you’ll learn what it takes to endear them to you. When you’ve done this, then influencing their parents is gravy!

So I’m gonna push away from the advice table now. Here is my official advice from a nobody. But I have one final question:

What am I missing? Add your own advice in the comment section below!

Doing Hard Things

February 8, 2011 in Personal with 7 Comments

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” -Alan Cohen

So where to begin? My family and I have made a pretty gigantic change in the past two weeks, and it’s something that I think is worth sharing. You see, I have a pretty comfortable life. I’m not claiming to spend my afternoons sipping iced tea beside a swimming pool; but my life is pretty great. I’ve been married to my best friend, Starr, for over 12 years, and we’ve created this wonderful family to share life with. We live in a house we can afford, and drive two cars to shuttle around town. My kids don’t have the latest and greatest of anything, but still have more than about 99% of the rest of the world’s population.

Life was moving along swimmingly, with all of us settled into a station of comfort and ease. Then Starr and I began to get uncomfortable with how easy everything seemed to be.

When was the last time we stepped out in faith for something great?

How are we truly creating a better story for our family?

We preach, share, and teach family…family…family…, but how do we really live this out when not in the friendly confines of our church?

So we begin to look into something that we had always talked about. Adoption. We looked into it, but it didn’t feel immediate enough. I have no doubt that it will happen down the road, but felt we needed something else in the moment we were living in. Then we thought of something that was so unbelievably scary, that it almost seemed crazy. Fostering. We began this journey some 6 months ago, with endless parenting classes; and doing whatever we had to do to secure our license. Then two weeks ago, they arrived.

Two children that don’t look anything like my own, yet are in need of what my family has to offer. Not what I have as a father to offer, or what Starr has to offer as a mother…but what our entire family could offer. I’ve watched in amazement as my children have influenced these foster kids. They are changing hearts with their kindness.

And it’s still a journey that will grow more and more with each day, but it never would have happened if we would have settled for the comfortable. The desire to do hard things has changed our lives forever. Sometimes in our fear of what the future could hold, we settel for the easy. But here’s the thing I’m learning.

Easy things don’t hold nearly the potential as doing hard things.

Dear Parent Letters // Talk about Church

February 1, 2011 in Ministry with 4 Comments

The following is one part in a series of letters to Parents. All of it is meant with the most serious of intentions, and is not directed at any one parent. It is simply the writing of a man that has worked with children and their parents in a church setting for many years now.

Dear Parents,

You attend church, and all of us that work to prepare exciting environments for your children are thrilled that you do. It’s obvious to us that you value what the Body of Christ can bring to your life, and to your familie’s life by attending together. For that be commended. However, please allow me to humbly remind you that church attendance is only the first part of spiritually leading your family. This letter is written to encourage you to talk about your experience at church with your children. Do you ever ask what they really learned? Not just if they had fun (which is an equally valid question, just not the most important information to get from them.) Do you ever tell your kids what you learned? Do you ever think to fall back on what your kid has learned when the situation arises during the week?

Here what can happen if you fail to talk about what happened at church this weekend.

First, you can communicate that what we do at church is separate from the rest of our lives. // As parents we should be teaching our kids that God is the center of our lives and worthy of organizing all that we do around glorifying Him. But when we fail to talk about what happens at church, we are quietly telling them that what happens at church stays at church. This isn’t Vegas; it’s important to live out what we learn at church outside of the church walls! Work to destroy the walls between church attendance and real life.
Second, you’re telling them that you didn’t learn anything. // You did learn something right? You are grateful for your experience in worship, right? You should be learning something, or being encouraged in some way with each encounter (and if you’re not please talk to someone.) Share with your children what you are learning, and how thankful you are for what God has showed you.
Third, to not talk about church is to miss a key step in spiritually leading your children. // That’s a daunting phrase right there, isn’t it? “Spiritually leading your children.” Throw out all those images of nightly devotionals, and long family prayer services. You might get to that point eventually, but right now we are talking about just taking a small but deliberate next step toward nurturing their spirituality. When you fail to ask children what they’ve learned at church you are missing the easiest of easy times to talk to your kid about spiritual things. Take advantage of the awesome team of volunteers and leaders that teach your kids each weekend, and just use what they’ve already taught your children to start conversations. I bet some of them will even put things in your hands to help this happen!

It’s not too late to start talking with you kids today about what happened at church. Please don’t miss the opportunity that you have each time you attend church to start spiritual conversations at home with your children.

Sincerely,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Children’s Pastor

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