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5 Things that Matter to Families

May 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

5-things

There are days that I’m parenting, and think…“This really matters. Right now, what I’m doing matters. I wish other parents knew how much this really mattered!” It was a collection of those moments that led me to start tracking them more closely. Of course, there were way too many of them to list on any one blog page. So I boiled them down to these 5 things.

Here are 5 Ideas that Matter for my Family: 

Adventure matters. Building faith by taking risks, doing things that hurt and cause pain, venturing into the unknown, and holding hands as a family throughout big change. We don’t create adventure necessarily for adventure’s sake, but we do look for the adventure in all that we do. I’ve seen it through foster parenting, changing jobs, changing schools, and going to new places with new friends. Adventure really matters. It exposes the real us, while also bringing us together.

Fun matters. Vacations and birthday parties really have a place. They matter because memories matter. As a father, I’m the one that carries the mantle for making sure we laugh and enjoy our times together. There is fun to be had on very little money, just lay back far enough to let it happen. I want my kids to really ‘act their age’ and that age is fun!

Talking matters. Everything should happen within the context of sincere relationship. We don’t need forgiveness from people we don’t know. Want your kid to be able to ask for forgiveness? Then let them get to know you. That only happens through quality time spent in building relationships. It’s not always easy work getting everyone talking, but when families talk we become a better family. Talk it out!

Learning matters. Getting better at school, learning a new sport, or becoming more adept at using an instrument. We learn, we listen, we learn, we listen…repeat. We are the best teachers our kid will ever have, but we also learn as we lead them. Build a heart for learning in your kids by being a learner yourself. Watch television that has a point, read books that interest the entire family, and share your spiritual growth experiences with your children. Learn something!

Community matters. Our family is important, but it’s still a family within a family. There are other dads, moms, and 5th graders in the world. We are all in this together, and our kids need to see it. Go to church, share community. Make it a priority, and watch the community come to your rescue as you lead your own family. It really works, and I believe in it enough to dedicate my entire professional life to helping it do so!

 

 

 

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Rhythms that Work for My Family: Running Errands

April 29, 2013 — 2 Comments

errands

A rhythm is something we do with regularity. Maybe it’s everyday, or every few days, but it’s something that you could set your clocks to because it will happen. It’s my goal to leverage my normal rhythms to make the investment that lasts in my kids lives.

We are a family of 5, and inevitably every few days entails Starr or I running an errand. Whether it’s the post office, grocery shopping, pharmacy, grocery shopping for what we forgot the first time, or just skattershooting around town; we spend a lot of time in the car out and about. While it can be tempting to let the kids stay at home, and do my stuff faster, I’m learning to resist that and take them along. Here’s how it works for me:

They have to want to go.|| I don’t make my kid go with me to the store, unless they just have to. I’ll tell you that if you can make the trip worth it a few times, then they’ll be begging to be with you.

Give them a job. || Always, always, always find a reason that you could use their help on your journey. Pushing the basket, carrying something into the house, or holding something in their lap while you drive there. I sincerely do need their help sometimes, and my kids have all loved feeling needed in this way.

Ask Questions. || So you want some private, alone time with that 9 year old? Here you go. The kid is buckled into their car seat and you have them with you for however long it takes to get where you’re going. I’ve talked about this many times before, but learn to ask leading questions and use the conversation to get to know these great young leaders in new ways.

Create a secret. || I’m not a huge fan of buying my kids junk at the store, as it breeds selfishness and begging down the road. However, there are times that stopping for a milkshake and encouraging them to drink it before we get home is a golden moment to a 7 year old. I’ve bought things when we’ve been out, let them start the ignition with the car key (with me behind the wheel), shift the car into reverse and drive, sit up front on a short drive, and pick their own music on Spotify from the iPhone. All of these things are “our secret” and they love it.

Be exceptionally patient. || With 3 kids shopping, it can be an unnerving experience sometimes, but with one kid I can afford to take my time, and let them figure out things on their own. Maybe this is my issue alone, but I find it much easier to slow down when only having one kid at a time on an adventure.

Here’s the real fear parents: Your kids won’t always want to go with you. I know that day is coming and it scares me to death. Join me in making the most of the time we have and leveraging every opportunity to let our kids know us and us to know them.

Have you discovered any creative ways to connect with your kids on daily rhythms? 

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4 Ways to Make Relationships Matter

February 13, 2013 — 5 Comments

Circles Better Than Rows

“Do you create a compelling place that people want to return to the next week?

If environments are the way we communicate atmosphere and expectations, then relationships are the words and voice that keep people from disconnecting from us. And the connected will return to our churches. In our efforts to create amazing environments we can’t forget that it’s the people connecting with people who communicate the Gospel. It’s people in the parking lot, people at the doors, people in the classrooms, people in the auditorium, people on the stage, and people sitting next to other people. (That there may be the most times I’ve used the word people in a sentence, let’s hope you get the point.)

Relationships matter now more than ever. Here are 4 ways to ensure that you are putting value in the people and not the things:

1. Encourage Conversation. I’m not saying we should make introverts stand up and talk to strangers, but we should be encouraging our leaders to connect. Teach and train leaders to recognize the ‘lost in the building’ person, to seek out the parent that could use a hand, and to make face-to-face interactions with those that visit our churches. Make the first-time count for something.

2. Lead Small through Small Groups. I’m 100% convinced that circles are better than rows, and if you’re not creating small spaces for preschoolers, children, students, and adults to connect in circles…then you don’t think relationships matter. Make relationships matter by making community in circles the most valuable resource in your church.

3. Equip Leaders. Have you reminded leaders in these all important groups to make eye contact, to lean in when talking, and to remember someones name? Do you evaluate how your leaders connect with parents? with children? with visitors? It’s our job as a leader to communicate the value of building relationships. As a parent of 3, I cannot overstate how important it is for me that the leaders of my children connect with my children. 

4. Respect the Journey. Surface level relationships are still relationships. All relationships begin awkward, simple, and sometimes frustratingly slow. The journey towards community is a long one, but when we value the story being written over the chapters we’re living in, then we have a God-shaped view of what real relationships and community could be.

Hebrews 10:24-25 “and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.”

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2013 New Year Blog Ideas

January 2, 2013 — Leave a comment

2013 Blog
As I run into 2013, I’m doing the normal “New Year Maintenance” and wanted to bring you along for some of this journey. One of the first things I’ve done to ready myself for learning more, is to clean up and add-to my blog subscription list. I’ve followed some blogs for years, and others I’ve just recently started reading. The list below is part of what I’m reading, and I’ve used these qualifications to create the collection:

I will not subscribe to a blog only to do a favor for a friend. I’m not saying this is a perfect idea for everyone, but I’m pruning the blogs that I don’t really read. I will however offer a couch for any friends to sleep on that come to Passion, Orange, or Catalyst Conferences in 2013.

I will only subscribe to blogs that I can allow myself adequate time to read. The days of reading 2,000 word blog posts are done for me. You may notice a few exceptions on my subscription list, but for the most part I’ve rid myself of the posts that took the most time for me to digest.

Just because I don’t subscribe to a blog doesn’t mean I won’t read it. It just means I’m not getting daily updates on new content.

I love shared content. I have tons of friends that will send me content from time to time, and I usually reserve time to read what they share. Would you share with me too? You an email me at jc @ jonathancliff .com

rss_32At great risk of being a hypocrite, I’d love to invite you to read this blog in 2013. I’ll be writing some of what I’m up to, much of what I’m learning, and even give away a few books here and there. 


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A Good Sort of Envy

December 19, 2012 — Leave a comment

Envy-Picture

Anyone would tell you that a life consumed with envy and jealousy will eventually destroy you. Envy has a way of taking the insignificant and making it way more important than it should be. Jealousy creeps into our lives quietly as we look at neighbors all around us.

How do they afford that car?

Why would they spend their money on that?

But there is an envy that leads us to a better place. If we can just turn the dial up in the self-awareness areas, then these moments of passing envy can be the catalysts that change us.

“I wish I was as creative as they are.” -I love this one. If we really desired to be as creative as someone else, we’d ask them how they do it and we would spend time researching their methods and habits, and learn from their creativity. As far as I’m concerned, I’d like more creative people around me…it makes me look smarter.

“I wish I was as smart as they are.” -Again, smart is arbitrary. Is it intelligence, or is it emotional intelligence? Either way, we have been learning from the smartest for 100′s of years. Want to know how to get better financially? Listen to people that are smart with their money. Finding a truly smart person is becoming rarer and rarer in this world, so stop with they envy and instead look to learn from the bright ones.

“I wish I was as good a Mother or Father as they are.” -I can promise you that the best parents out there don’t think they are. We are all in a battle against our own selfishness, and there is nothing that will tear down your self like a few kids in the house. If there are parents you admire, then look and listen and learn. It’s changed my life simply by being brave enough to ask great parents how they do it. Be on a lookout for terrific grandparents as well, they are a wealth of knowledge.

All of that to say this: So much of our envy and jealousy is there because we wish we were something that we aren’t currently. Use those humanly built-in cues about the great traits in others as motivators to make ourselves all that we can be!

 

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