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5 Things that Matter to Families

May 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

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There are days that I’m parenting, and think…“This really matters. Right now, what I’m doing matters. I wish other parents knew how much this really mattered!” It was a collection of those moments that led me to start tracking them more closely. Of course, there were way too many of them to list on any one blog page. So I boiled them down to these 5 things.

Here are 5 Ideas that Matter for my Family: 

Adventure matters. Building faith by taking risks, doing things that hurt and cause pain, venturing into the unknown, and holding hands as a family throughout big change. We don’t create adventure necessarily for adventure’s sake, but we do look for the adventure in all that we do. I’ve seen it through foster parenting, changing jobs, changing schools, and going to new places with new friends. Adventure really matters. It exposes the real us, while also bringing us together.

Fun matters. Vacations and birthday parties really have a place. They matter because memories matter. As a father, I’m the one that carries the mantle for making sure we laugh and enjoy our times together. There is fun to be had on very little money, just lay back far enough to let it happen. I want my kids to really ‘act their age’ and that age is fun!

Talking matters. Everything should happen within the context of sincere relationship. We don’t need forgiveness from people we don’t know. Want your kid to be able to ask for forgiveness? Then let them get to know you. That only happens through quality time spent in building relationships. It’s not always easy work getting everyone talking, but when families talk we become a better family. Talk it out!

Learning matters. Getting better at school, learning a new sport, or becoming more adept at using an instrument. We learn, we listen, we learn, we listen…repeat. We are the best teachers our kid will ever have, but we also learn as we lead them. Build a heart for learning in your kids by being a learner yourself. Watch television that has a point, read books that interest the entire family, and share your spiritual growth experiences with your children. Learn something!

Community matters. Our family is important, but it’s still a family within a family. There are other dads, moms, and 5th graders in the world. We are all in this together, and our kids need to see it. Go to church, share community. Make it a priority, and watch the community come to your rescue as you lead your own family. It really works, and I believe in it enough to dedicate my entire professional life to helping it do so!

 

 

 

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The Friday Family Bag

May 17, 2013 — Leave a comment

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As Friday’s lend themselves to playing catch-up, here is some Internet Gold that I’ve loved over the past few weeks.

The Gospel and the (Im)perfect Marriage - “Depending on how well we do in our own eyes, perfectionism can play out in a variety of negative responses: feelings of worthlessness, inordinate preoccupation with the opinions of other people, paralyzing fear, impatience with others, and a sense of superiority.”

Shaping a Child’s Soul: A task to Important to be Entrusted to a Professional -  “Efficiency is not the goal of gospel-motivated ministry.”

How to Save Money around the Home - “Sometimes we put these small changes off because we forget just how much money we could save if we do them.”

The Secret to Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids - “We live in complex times. As I work with thousands of parents and faculty each year, I’m increasingly convinced we have a more engaged set of adults who care about kids today than at any time since I began my career in 1979. Simultaneously, however, I am observing a more troubled population of kids, especially by the time they reach their teen years. It appears at first like an oxymoron. How can such a cared-for generation experience such emotional difficulties?”

 

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Celebrate the Differences

May 16, 2013 — Leave a comment

CliffFamily

 

  • One is hyper organized, moderately controlling, quick to ask forgiveness, and genuinely compassionate with others.
  • The other is charming, a rock solid friend, super fun, and is not ashamed to give out a hug when it’s needed.
  • The third one has a deep desire to be a good friend, is a strong and vocal leader and reminds us all the most of her mother.

These are my 3 children in a nutshell. So many different qualities, and so many easy to assume futures. I understand birth order, but I don’t buy it entirely. Just because my middle child is funny and gregarious, doesn’t mean he can’t grow up to be thoughtful and sensitive. My first-born is classic in so many ways, but I don’t want him locked into that ‘first born syndrome’ his entire life.

I believe that God can and will shape my children in ways that their ‘birth order’ will not make sense of.

Here is how I protect their differences, while waiting with expectancy about what they are still yet to become.

Celebrate them. I celebrate what they are today. It’s so easy to talk about what’s ‘wrong‘ and ‘needs fixing‘ in their lives, but I work hard as a father to celebrate the greatness I already see. My daughter is so gentle with her baby dolls, and while I know that is not a guarantee that she becomes a great mother; it’s ignorant to pass up the opportunity to talk about how that compassion towards an inanimate doll could be a gift of compassion developing somewhere in her heart.

Stay undecided. What they’re good at today, may not be what their good at tomorrow. Vice versa that as well. There is the obvious, but there is also the ‘just under the surface’ stuff there as well. Sure, my 9-year-old struggles with multiplication. But does that mean he will struggle with all math the rest of his life? Of course it doesn’t. It breaks my heart when parents tag their kids giftings too early. Let them breathe, let them grow and then learn to …

Dream with them. Never stop asking questions, “What do you want to become?” I use my questions to talk about things they’d want in a future spouse, what parts of the country they’d want to live in, and where certain jobs and careers could take them.

As a parent, it’s my responsibility to help my kids grow, learn, dream, and become the adults God wants them to be. I want them to hear God’s voice, respond to that voice, and then depend on Him to carry it out. It all begins with just letting them grow.

They don’t belong to me anyways, right? I have a suspicion God has much bigger plans for them then their mother or I could ever have.

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Rhythms that Work for My Family: Dinner Time

April 17, 2013 — Leave a comment

DinnerTogether

Deuteronomy 6:7 “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

I like to eat. Granted I don’t eat a ton, as I tend to fall into the skinny category of body shapes; but I do love a good meal. In fact, I love it so much that I eat every day. More than that, I eat more than once throughout the day. You might have heard of them, but we call it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If I have to eat, and I know that everyone else in my family has to eat, then it’s important that I leverage this commonality to get that quality time any way I can.

It has long been a rhythm in our house that we eat dinner together. When the kids were little, we would throw that baby carrier up on the table with us. When they were little and throwing cheerios all over the place, they would be joined by very on-guard parents attempting to eat their meals at the same time.

I know live in that moment where we’ve got soccer and baseball monopolizing nights away from home, but we still work hard to make it happen. What’s the secret?

Not all meals are the same. Take what you can get when you can get it.

Sometimes we have time and great conversations filled with questions and answers and stories and happenings from all over the neighborhood and world. But many times we just eat together for 5 minutes before we run out of the house, and in do so we are forcing ourselves to sit together. In this world of busy-ness, that sitting together is the most valuable thing we have sometimes.

I remember having foster kids in our house, and when we’d all sit down together to eat we’d get the funniest looks. When a 4 year old shoots you the, “This is funny. Are we all going to eat together?” look then we knew something was missing from their lives. This rhythm has always been our gift to whoever is living in our house at any given time. In fact, if you’ve ever been invited over to dinner then you’ve been allowed in on our most hallowed time together!

How can you make dinner time work for you? Have you found this valuable for your family?

 

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Asking Good Questions

March 13, 2013 — Leave a comment

Questions

Can we all agree that nobody, outside of 6-8 year old girls will want to answer the question, “So, what did you do today?” Is that really as creative as we can get? I don’t think so.

Here is a fun list of questions to ask your kids, but be ready to hear some funny and serious responses.

Did anything funny happen at school today?

Anyone puke in your class today?

What are the bathrooms like at your school?

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever seen?

What kinds of things make a girl pretty?

How does someone become “popular”?

What makes someone really strong?

Is there anything you’ve always wanted to ask me, but you didn’t because you thought I’d say no?

What is something you really want to do, but you know I will never let you?

If you could tell your friends what you want for your birthday, what would you tell them?

Notice that none of them are answered with YES or NO responses, and most of them will at the very least illicit a response that is thought out. Listen to me parents, if you can master the unique questions that your kids are dying to be asked, then you will have tapped into their innermost thoughts and ideas. And that is always worth the price of admission!

 

 

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