Last week I did a guest blogging spot over at www.samluce.com.  Here is an excerpt from his site of my content (weird, huh?)

Dear New Children’s Pastor,

Welcome to the ministry.  I know that if you’ve taken this job, then you are probably comfortable NOT being in the spotlight.  And that’s a great thing, because you will NOT be in the spotlight.  (Unless of course your volunteers don’t show up, but then that’s another letter.)  You’ve taken this job because on some level you love working with children and serving families.  You are probably a person that is comfortable leading children to the feet of Jesus week after week after week after week.  For that you will get the limelight in heaven for eternity, so just wait.

I do have a few things to say to you, so sit down and take a listen.  And by sitting down, I mean put your tush in a chair and hold on tight.  There are three things that need to be said to you, and I don’t want you getting so offended that you step backwards and hurt yourself.  Are you sitting down?  Are you ready?  I’m going share three goals for your new endeavor.

In order of importance let’s start with possibly the most important goal I will give you in the history of forever.

Go Read the Three Things HERE.

It’s been well documented by myself (HERE and HERE) and others (HERE and HERE) that collaborating with others has forever altered the way I work as a Children’s Pastor.  These silly things we call emails, blogs, twitters, and even facebook to a degree (and it pains me to say that last one) has opened a world to me that I never knew existed.  To live life and to do ministry without the connections I’ve made with people from all different walks of life and areas of the world, would be a lonely existence.  That’s not to discount the greatness of those I live my life with on a daily basis here on the dusty South Plains of Lubbock, but the addition of these ‘online relationships’ if you will as made every relationship just a little bit healthier.

Because this has been well documented in my life over the past year I get asked often how it’s done.  I’m asked by those on staff at my church, by those DM’s on twitter(you know who you are), and even occasionally over lunch with a friendly neighborhood pastor.  What’s my answer for how to start those meaningful collaborative relationships?

First, let’s start with what Collaboration is and what it is NOT.  Collaboration by definition is “the action of working with someone to produce or create something.”  Collaboration is NOT getting together to compare and contrast differences between ministries, churches, and individuals.  Those things will all eventually become part of the discussion, but until they do it’s important that when “bouncing ideas off someone” or asking for “honest opinions” that we work to fulfill the definition of collaboration.

Are we working together to produce or create something?

When approaching someone to seek guidance on how they use the same curriculum you use, or how they manage check-in, or how they support their volunteers…it is important to NOT go right to the defensive questions.  What are the defensive questions?  So glad you asked…

Numbers: Here are some of my favorite number questions, “How big is your church?”  “So, how many kids are you running?”, or my favorite, “How many services to you guys do?” These are decent questions, but they don’t address the idea of working together.  They are asked simply to size up someone.  The beauty of collaboration, remember…working to produce or create something…isn’t based on how closely alike you are; but instead on what you could possibly create together.

Sympathy: It’s great to find a sympathetic ear to our troubles, but if we’re not careful we can begin to tread into dangerous areas. First, it’s a HUGE turnoff to try and meet up with someone and find out that their life basically sucks and their church leadership is unappreciative of their work.  Secondly, it’s simply not life-giving.  We’re called to serve God, but we are also called to serve God through our Senior Pastor’s vision.  To remember that can keep you out of a world of hurt.

Theology: The beauty of Children’s and Youth ministries is that Theology can sometimes take a back seat to the bigger issues of connecting families to the church (and back to each other.)  Let sleeping dogs lay, and leave the theology for further along in your relationship.  It’s valuable to eventually find those laying the same theological groundwork you wish to lay, but it’s not vital to “producing and creating something.”

It’s great to find someone working in the same demographic, or to find someone working with as many kids as you are; but nobody is going to be exactly like you so learn to find those who aren’t.  The real beauty of collaboration is that you are working with others.  Learn to be unselfish with your ideas, creativity, and vision.  Let others experience what God’s put inside you, and learn to listen to what he’s doing for others.

To see this TALK given in a much longer format, watch the video HERE!

This week I’m reposting some thoughts I had around this same time last year.  I’m really hoping I can get some comments, and would love to hear if anything resonates with you:

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I’ve had this rattling around in my brain for a few months now. I’m reluctant to post it, because I wouldn’t normally characterize myself as the embattled Children’s Pastor, who’s disgruntled at the parents in my church. I just take the kids they give me, and pray that the Holy Spirit can use some of what I do with them to make a positive impact where maybe there isn’t one currently being made. And this letter is not specifically addressed to any one parent, or the parents at any one church. It’s aimed at a wild collection of parents I’ve met over the years. I can honestly say that most parents I meet are wonderful servants of the Most High God. (Most, not all…)

Dear Parents,

Hi, I’m a pastor at the church you attend. Yep, that church. But I’m not your typical pastor. I’m a pastor to your children. It’s hard to define exactly what that means, but basically you could say that I work with the kids. Which in turn, means that I work with their families. Which you being in their family, means that I work with you. In fact, you could call me your pastor if you wanted to (or you could just call me Jonathan.)

I wanted to make you aware of a few things as it pertains to your kids’ Church Experience. So here goes.

• You are invited to be a part of what is happening. I’ll need a background check, and I’ll get you a name badge; but after that you’re home free into the world of your kid’s church experience.
• You never inconvenience me when you ask what’s going on in your kid’s areas. I love the questions. Yes, read that again…. You are free to question me about anything that you see or hear while in and/or around the children’s areas. I’d love some feedback, and I’d love to share what we’re exploring in the bible with you anytime. I’ll even buy you lunch and we can talk at length. I love talking about what’s happening in the lives of your children. I never tire of the questions, bring them on!
• I am not in the business of childcare. True, I do provide care for your children while you attend church, but what my team and I do is so much more than that. From the people that change your newborns diapers up until they leave the 5th grade my team is pouring into their lives through teaching, prayer, and relationship. But you ask, How can you teach my 3 month old? Well, we don’t exactly teach them; as much as we prepare an environment that is coated in prayer for the future of your little one. Yep, we really do pray over your babies.
• Please don’t ask me if your kid is “saved.” For goodness sake, ask them! We give your kids ample opportunities to receive Christ at church; but it’s always better if a parent walks them through those steps. If your confused about what that means, then I’ll make sure your saved; and then I’ll tell you how to talk to your kid about it. It’ll be great, just wait and see!
• If your kid gets in trouble at church, then they really got in trouble. We do everything in our power to make church as fun, and as NOT like school as humanely possible. We give second and third chances to just about everyone; but as some point we have to protect the integrity of our areas and eliminate the presence of those children that choose to be a distraction. I have years of experience with this, and if you will just support what we’re trying to do then it won’t take but a few short weeks for your kid to step in line and never (or rarely) be a problem again. Did you read that? I need you to support what we do.
• Be nice to my team. I know that getting kids ready for church on a Sunday Morning can be a challenge; and sometimes leads to bad feelings and ugly dispositions. (I do in fact have three of my very own.) But remember that those people standing at the door, checking in your kids, and giving of their time to serve your family are doing it for free. Just be nice to them. You can write me all the nasty emails you want on Monday morning, but try and be nice to these wonderful servants at your church.

Finally, I want you to know that I really do love your kids. Sometimes they can be difficult to love, but they are all lovable in their own unique way. Really! It’s true.

Sincerely,

Me

I can remember in college there were times after that first class that I would think, “What have I gotten myself into?” I would consider dropping the class and picking up another course, but mostly I just got temporarily depressed about how hard it would be. Over time I learned to appreciate these classes the most. I learned that it was when I felt challenged, or up against a wall, that I came out learning the most about myself. So by the time my Senior year in college rolled around and I learned that I would have to submit two 100+ page research papers for my Business Policy class; I actually looked forward to the challenge. It wasn’t easy, but I was better for it when it was all said and done.

Now I’m 10 years removed from that time of my life, but I still seek out challenges. I personally define a challenge as something that I need to do, but I will have to learn how to do it during the process. A true challenge is something that I’m not fully qualified to complete before starting, but when I’m done I’ll be there. Make sense?

So as a leader, pastor, father, and boss I’m in the position of bringing some challenge to those around me. It’s a fanstatically scary role to play in people’s lives. Putting people into positions they may have never volunteered for, but I see potential for growth in that area. Here are some questions I’ve been asking myself:

• How many challenges can each person take?
• Is it my job to put people in certain positions that they need to be in, but may not feel comfortable doing?
• How do I find that place where I want someone to be uncomfortable, but not wanting them to be miserable?
• How much of their ‘personality’ keeps them from being who God needs them to be?
• How many more conversations do I need to have before putting someone into a new leadership area?
• Do I really see potential in this person, or am I just wanting them to be this for me?

My blogging buddy Sam had a post yesterday regarding the seemingly lack of adequate and qualified Children’s Pastors available to fill the available positions. He listed 5 questions and asked for some feedback.
OK, here goes with some honest, brutal answers from someone who’s opinion shouldn’t really matter:

1. What does it take to become a Children’s Pastor?
What should it take, or what does it take? It should take experience, motivation, and some level of educational background (either academic or experiential.) Assuming that they love Jesus, and want to see kids know him as well. What it takes in reality, especially at most small churches, is a willingness to do it. Something we like to call the “mirror test.” They hold a mirror up to your nose, and if it fogs up…. You’re Hired!

2. Why most Children’s Pastors wanted to be youth pastors?
Because it’s when we’re teenagers or college students that we really start trying to live out our Christian walk; and the first ‘church’ relationship we ever had was with our Youth pastor. Therefore, making the youth pastor role the coolest one we’ve ever known! On a side note… it could also be that children’s ministry leaves a bad memory for many…

3. What churches are looking for in a Children’s Pastor?
I think most churches want a person that can advocate for the kids in a serious, and relevant way towards the rest of the church. I also believe that most churches want someone who they can let ‘do their own thing’ and not have to worry about the kids anymore. (I know this sounds terrible; but in reality it’s true!)

4. Misconceptions that keep people from pursuing children’s ministry.
The biggest misconception is that Children’s Ministry is all puppets, crafts, and veggie-tales videos! Another misconception is that it doesn’t pay as well as the other church jobs (This might not be such a misconception!) Not that money is the most important thing in the world, but if I’m looking to support my family with a calling into church ministry then normally I’m NOT going to choose the least-paid position in the church. I’ve seen churches that purposely look for women to run this are of ministry, because they assume that with her husband working they can pay less than they would for a man looking to support his entire family. (This is changing at churches around the country, but ever so slowly.)

5. What makes a Children’s Pastor last?
A willingness to be creative in ministry thoughts and planning; as well as a willingness to adapt when necessary to reach as many kids as possible. Children’s Pastors lose their influence over the long haul when they forget that trends change over time. God, please don’t let me be doing the same thing in 5 years that I’m doing now!