Yesterday I addressed the idea of seizing opportunities that are in front of us, and how we often let two fears keep us from taking hold of those set of circumstances that enable us to do something amazing.  The first fear that leads to us missing opportunities is the fear of our own weakness.

Numbers 13:31 “They are stronger than us…”

The spies that were unwilling to enter the land promised to them by father God, were actually right on.  Those people living in the new land were indeed stronger than them.  We know that in reality, they were bigger, taller, and better equipped to fight a battle.  The Israelites were recently released slaves, not a fighting band of warriors.  Here’s where they were wrong: Their weakness was NOT their liability.  It was their unique advantage!

II Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.”

Our weakness gives God the opportunity to do what he does best. In fact later in Deuteronomy 8:17-18, Moses warns the children of the missed opportunity generation of what can happen when they forget their place in the story.

Deuteronomy 8:17-18 “17 You might say to yourself, “I am rich because of my own power and strength,”18 but remember the Lord your God! It is he who gives you the power to become rich, keeping the agreement he promised to your ancestors, as it is today.”

So what is the correct response when faced with your own overwhelming weakness?  Remember that your weakness is your advantage.  Begin to see your disqualifications and inadequacies as the gift that God will use to make His story complete.  I’ve been working through a book on purpose with some friends of mine, and stumbled upon this quote.  It’s taken from a small book that is distrubuted by the CBMC.  It perfectly sums up the idea of your weakness not being worthy of being the fear that keeps you from God’s next opportunity, and instead is worthy of being the advantage.

“If, through the living out of your purpose, you sense less dependence on God, you can be confident you are out of the will of God!  For though a life of purpose makes you more aware of your gifts and calling, it at the same time highlights your inadequacies and amplifies your great need for God and His grace.  The path towards God is dependence; the path away from God is independence.”

opportunity |ˌäpərˈt(y)oōnitē|
a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something

Numbers 13:31-33

But the men who had gone with him said, “We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are.”32 And those men gave the Israelites a bad report about the land they explored, saying, “The land that we explored is too large to conquer. All the people we saw are very tall.33 We saw the Nephilim people there. (The Anakites come from the Nephilim people.) We felt like grasshoppers, and we looked like grasshoppers to them.”

They totally missed it.  This missed opportunity eventually led to them never getting a chance to see what God had for them.  In Deuteronomy Moses is speaking to the children of these that missed the opportunity.  I believe that there are two big fears that kept the Israelites from the great opportunity that was before them.  And coincidentally enough, they are the same two fears that often times keep me from seizing opportunity when it presents itself.

Over the next two posts on www.jonathancliff.com I will be addressing the two fears, and what we can do to step over them into the set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

5. Widen the Circle

Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel.

Let’s back up to Deuteronomy 6:4, for a second.  Have you ever noticed this?  Moses isn’t talking to just one family.  He’s talking to an entire nation of people.  He’s talking to families!  This is where the Children’s Pastor in me gets real excited.  It is clear in Moses’ language that he is challenging the entire nation with these principles.

Over time your little cute 3 year old will begin to listen to you less and less.  After only a few more years, that same child will begin to listen to others and give them more respect than they will their own parents.  It’s only natural.  While we want to continue to speak into our kid’s lives, we also need to prepare them to hear from others that support what we believe.

I’m constantly shocked at the amount of parents that come to me with teenage children and tell me how they struggle with them constantly to live Godly lives, then I find out that those same parents have done NOTHING to ensure that their teenagers have Godly influences in their lives.  What can you do?  Take in a Christ following college student to live in your home, make them attend youth services (of their choice if needed), introduce them to your spiritual mentors and encourage them to talk to people besides you about the things that puzzle them.

Parents need to become intentional about finding spiritual leaders and mentors for their kids.  We need to be intentional about finding the right spiritual influences for our children, where they are hearing what their parents tell them, but in a different way and from a different voice.

I choose to Widen the Circle and make sure my kids have additional influences to guide them.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

4. Create a Rhythm

Deuteronomy 6:7 Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

As parents we need to be more conscious, more deliberate, and more innovative with our children.  I can’t drag them to occasional church services, pop in the random Veggie Tales video, and expect them to grow up to be spiritual champions.  It doesn’t work that way.  We know that, but we struggle to live it out.  Here is where the Five Essential Skills can become easily applicable.  (The ReThink Group has created some great resources for driving home these 4 Family Times along with their curriculum resources.)

It doesn’t get any more practical than these Four Family Times, as laid out in Deuteronomy 6:7:

1. “When you sit at home.”  This is meal time. What a novel idea, huh?  Families eating together and interacting on a daily basis.  This is the time that we as parents can take an opportunity to be a teacher to our kids.  My family has tried some sort of a nightly devotional time before, but I’ve found it hard to be consistent.  But making meal times a priority, I’ve found it to be a super easy way to answer questions about God’s Word, and to rehash things our kids have learned at church.
2. “When you walk along the road.” This is drive time. I know that DVD players in the car have revolutionized the way we travel as families.  I know that I would hate making the 8 hour trek from Lubbock to Tulsa a couple of times a year without one.  However, my family has turned them off permanently when driving around town.  Why miss the unique time to have my child’s full attention?  This is my opportunity to be my kids friend, and just talk.  We talk about school, soccer, girls (or boys), the lack of trees outside, how the wind always blows, and sometimes we’ve debated whether Sponge Bob is cooler than Patrick Starfish.
3. “When you lie down.”  This is bedtime. When we enter our kid’s bedrooms, we are really entering their world.  We’re entering sacred space, and as our kids get older and older this space will become more sacred.  This is the time to be my kid’s counselor, and listener.  Bedtime gives me a unique chance to listen, and to pray for the things on my kid’s heart.
4. “When you get up.”  This is morning time. Ok, time for me to be really, really honest.  This is the hard one for me.  I’m that guy that needs about 45 minutes alone to gather my thoughts, and fight off my weariness before diving into conversations of any kind.  However, morning is the time that I have the best opportunity to coach my kids.  I’ve reserved morning drive time as my coaching time.  It’s when waiting in line to drop off my 1st grader at school that I tell him, “Ryan, you were born for this day.  You were made for this time.  God created and made you to do the things that you are going to do today.  Ryan, you are more than just a somebody.  You are a child of the living God!”

I will choose to Create a Rhythm so time together as a family will nurture our everyday faith.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

3. Make It Personal

Deuteronomy 6:6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.

These commandments have to be in my heart, before I can hand them off to my children.  It has to be in me, before it can be in them.  Consider this free wisdom from someone that has worked with kids for years:  You must never try to impress your kids with who you want them to think you are.  You can only fool them for so long.  And when they find out that you’re a fraud, they’ll only resent you for it.

It’s okay for my kid to see who I really am.  Especially if I want them to see the difference God is making in my life.  Do your children know what your weaknesses are?  If you say they don’t, then you’re only fooling yourself.  What you’re bad at is obvious to everyone.  I struggle with a bad temper, and can become easily frustrated when things don’t work out as I planned.  Do you really think my family doesn’t already know this?  They’ve probably known it longer than I have.  When I decide to make my weaknesses a point of teaching my children, then I can create a new parenting strength.  Every time I mess up and fail to keep my word, or fail to control my anger; I then have the opportunity to ask my children to forgive me.  I don’t often miss the chance to ask my children to forgive me.

Kids need to see their parents:

Struggle with answers.

Face their weaknesses.

Deal with real problems.

Admit when they are wrong.

Fight for their marriage.

Resolve personal conflict.

My kids need to see me make relational, emotional,and spiritual growth a priority.

I choose to Make It Personal and let my kids see what God is doing in my life.