Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

2. Fight for the Heart

Deuteronomy 6:5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

The only thing that separates a living faith from a ritualistic orthodoxy is one word, one idea, and one compelling force: LOVE.  I know this is true, but I also know that it’s not as easily demonstrated.  I have often enough put my frustration, disappointment, anger, and inadequacy on full display for my kids to see.  My tendency is to always want to explain the “Why?” behind the rules, instead pointing my kids toward a loving God that seeks to protect them.  The problem with reasons for the “Why?” is that you can debate them.  What you cannot debate is a trusted relationship.

Moses knew that respect for the rules is a by-product of trust.  In Deuteronomy 6:20-25, he addressed the very response they were to give to their children when they questioned the meaning behind the laws.  Moses instructed them to remind their children of what God had done.  He wanted the children to know the God behind the laws.  He knew that only obedience motivated by love stood a chance to succeed.

As parents we have to demonstrate to our kids that we have rules and standards of behavior that we expect of them.  But more importantly, we need to demonstrate to our kids that we love them.  We need to show them that we can be trusted.  But how?  It’s easy really.  Does your kid ever mess up?  Do they ever let you down with their actions?  Do they every deliberately disobey the things that you tell them to do?  If they don’t then write that “How To” book, and I’ll be first in line to purchase it.

If they do screw up occasionally, then there you have it.  The unpredictable and rebellious actions of my kids provide the perfect opportunity for me to demonstrate a consistent message to them.  The message that I will forgive them over and over and over again.  The message that I can be trusted.  That I love them.  When I fight for the hearts of my children, I establish a lifestyle of proving that I can be trusted.

I choose to Fight For the Heart of my family by loving God with all of my heart.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

1.  Imagine the End

Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.

This is one of the more recited passages in all the annuals of time.  It’s frequently recited, because remembering that the LORD is God helps us to gain perspective.  Isn’t it true that we naturally have a predisposition to lose focus because of our limited human perspective?  I know that as a parent I can get bogged down in the day-to-day of raising my kids and I rarely take the time to imagine what the outcome of all this parenting work could bring.

I love to ask parents of adult children if they have any parenting regrets.  The #1 response that I get is that things went by too fast.  They usually lament that if they had only known what a uniquely short time they had with their children, that they would have done so many things differently.

Knowing that the time is short, we need to quickly gain some perspective.  What is it that I really want my children to become?  What values do I want them to hold as adults?  What are my dreams and hopes for them?  Reminding myself frequently that God is God, doesn’t cause me to stress more.  It actually causes me to trust God more.  He is writing the narrative of their life, and I am a part of their story.  I’m one of the more important pieces of their story, but I’m not writing the outcome.  God is.

My prayer is that I will learn to allow God to use me as the tool he needs to help my children grow into spiritual champions.  But God can’t use me until I know what the end-game is.

I choose to Imagine the End in order to stay focused on the big picture.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

—————-

Five Essential Parenting Skills

I’m going to be posting a series of posts covering the Five Essential Parenting Skills that I will be teaching in our upcoming Parent/Child Dedication gatherings at Trinity Church.  These ideas are NOT mine.  They are culled from the book Think Orange and from Deuteronomy 6:4-7, which is every Family and Children pastors’ bread and butter passage, right?!   The next 5 posts will be a mixture of material taken from “Think Orange” and my own thoughts as a parent and a pastor that works alongside parents. Take from it what you will, and please consider making yourself a part of the discussion!

1. Imagine the End

2. Fight for the Heart

3. Make It Personal

4. Create a Rhythm

5. Widen the Circle

Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

From my Monthly Fred Rogers Quote Email:

“Imagining something may be the first step in making it happen, but it takes the real time and real efforts of real people to learn things, make things, turn thoughts into deeds or visions into inventions.”

This neighbor of mine really had things figured out, didn’t he?  I’ve had some BIG thoughts bouncing around in my LITTLE head for a few months now.  I’ve shared these thoughts with friends, and you could even say some of my big thoughts came from these friends.  However, I’ve now officially moved into the phase of wanting to transition these thoughts into action.  How can I put some legs to these ideas?  How can I move from the safety of a good idea, into the uncertainty of acting on it?  Safety vs. Uncertainty…

It’s been well documented by myself (HERE and HERE) and others (HERE and HERE) that collaborating with others has forever altered the way I work as a Children’s Pastor.  These silly things we call emails, blogs, twitters, and even facebook to a degree (and it pains me to say that last one) has opened a world to me that I never knew existed.  To live life and to do ministry without the connections I’ve made with people from all different walks of life and areas of the world, would be a lonely existence.  That’s not to discount the greatness of those I live my life with on a daily basis here on the dusty South Plains of Lubbock, but the addition of these ‘online relationships’ if you will as made every relationship just a little bit healthier.

Because this has been well documented in my life over the past year I get asked often how it’s done.  I’m asked by those on staff at my church, by those DM’s on twitter(you know who you are), and even occasionally over lunch with a friendly neighborhood pastor.  What’s my answer for how to start those meaningful collaborative relationships?

First, let’s start with what Collaboration is and what it is NOT.  Collaboration by definition is “the action of working with someone to produce or create something.”  Collaboration is NOT getting together to compare and contrast differences between ministries, churches, and individuals.  Those things will all eventually become part of the discussion, but until they do it’s important that when “bouncing ideas off someone” or asking for “honest opinions” that we work to fulfill the definition of collaboration.

Are we working together to produce or create something?

When approaching someone to seek guidance on how they use the same curriculum you use, or how they manage check-in, or how they support their volunteers…it is important to NOT go right to the defensive questions.  What are the defensive questions?  So glad you asked…

Numbers: Here are some of my favorite number questions, “How big is your church?”  “So, how many kids are you running?”, or my favorite, “How many services to you guys do?” These are decent questions, but they don’t address the idea of working together.  They are asked simply to size up someone.  The beauty of collaboration, remember…working to produce or create something…isn’t based on how closely alike you are; but instead on what you could possibly create together.

Sympathy: It’s great to find a sympathetic ear to our troubles, but if we’re not careful we can begin to tread into dangerous areas. First, it’s a HUGE turnoff to try and meet up with someone and find out that their life basically sucks and their church leadership is unappreciative of their work.  Secondly, it’s simply not life-giving.  We’re called to serve God, but we are also called to serve God through our Senior Pastor’s vision.  To remember that can keep you out of a world of hurt.

Theology: The beauty of Children’s and Youth ministries is that Theology can sometimes take a back seat to the bigger issues of connecting families to the church (and back to each other.)  Let sleeping dogs lay, and leave the theology for further along in your relationship.  It’s valuable to eventually find those laying the same theological groundwork you wish to lay, but it’s not vital to “producing and creating something.”

It’s great to find someone working in the same demographic, or to find someone working with as many kids as you are; but nobody is going to be exactly like you so learn to find those who aren’t.  The real beauty of collaboration is that you are working with others.  Learn to be unselfish with your ideas, creativity, and vision.  Let others experience what God’s put inside you, and learn to listen to what he’s doing for others.

To see this TALK given in a much longer format, watch the video HERE!