Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

3. Make It Personal

Deuteronomy 6:6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.

These commandments have to be in my heart, before I can hand them off to my children.  It has to be in me, before it can be in them.  Consider this free wisdom from someone that has worked with kids for years:  You must never try to impress your kids with who you want them to think you are.  You can only fool them for so long.  And when they find out that you’re a fraud, they’ll only resent you for it.

It’s okay for my kid to see who I really am.  Especially if I want them to see the difference God is making in my life.  Do your children know what your weaknesses are?  If you say they don’t, then you’re only fooling yourself.  What you’re bad at is obvious to everyone.  I struggle with a bad temper, and can become easily frustrated when things don’t work out as I planned.  Do you really think my family doesn’t already know this?  They’ve probably known it longer than I have.  When I decide to make my weaknesses a point of teaching my children, then I can create a new parenting strength.  Every time I mess up and fail to keep my word, or fail to control my anger; I then have the opportunity to ask my children to forgive me.  I don’t often miss the chance to ask my children to forgive me.

Kids need to see their parents:

Struggle with answers.

Face their weaknesses.

Deal with real problems.

Admit when they are wrong.

Fight for their marriage.

Resolve personal conflict.

My kids need to see me make relational, emotional,and spiritual growth a priority.

I choose to Make It Personal and let my kids see what God is doing in my life.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

2. Fight for the Heart

Deuteronomy 6:5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

The only thing that separates a living faith from a ritualistic orthodoxy is one word, one idea, and one compelling force: LOVE.  I know this is true, but I also know that it’s not as easily demonstrated.  I have often enough put my frustration, disappointment, anger, and inadequacy on full display for my kids to see.  My tendency is to always want to explain the “Why?” behind the rules, instead pointing my kids toward a loving God that seeks to protect them.  The problem with reasons for the “Why?” is that you can debate them.  What you cannot debate is a trusted relationship.

Moses knew that respect for the rules is a by-product of trust.  In Deuteronomy 6:20-25, he addressed the very response they were to give to their children when they questioned the meaning behind the laws.  Moses instructed them to remind their children of what God had done.  He wanted the children to know the God behind the laws.  He knew that only obedience motivated by love stood a chance to succeed.

As parents we have to demonstrate to our kids that we have rules and standards of behavior that we expect of them.  But more importantly, we need to demonstrate to our kids that we love them.  We need to show them that we can be trusted.  But how?  It’s easy really.  Does your kid ever mess up?  Do they ever let you down with their actions?  Do they every deliberately disobey the things that you tell them to do?  If they don’t then write that “How To” book, and I’ll be first in line to purchase it.

If they do screw up occasionally, then there you have it.  The unpredictable and rebellious actions of my kids provide the perfect opportunity for me to demonstrate a consistent message to them.  The message that I will forgive them over and over and over again.  The message that I can be trusted.  That I love them.  When I fight for the hearts of my children, I establish a lifestyle of proving that I can be trusted.

I choose to Fight For the Heart of my family by loving God with all of my heart.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

1.  Imagine the End

Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.

This is one of the more recited passages in all the annuals of time.  It’s frequently recited, because remembering that the LORD is God helps us to gain perspective.  Isn’t it true that we naturally have a predisposition to lose focus because of our limited human perspective?  I know that as a parent I can get bogged down in the day-to-day of raising my kids and I rarely take the time to imagine what the outcome of all this parenting work could bring.

I love to ask parents of adult children if they have any parenting regrets.  The #1 response that I get is that things went by too fast.  They usually lament that if they had only known what a uniquely short time they had with their children, that they would have done so many things differently.

Knowing that the time is short, we need to quickly gain some perspective.  What is it that I really want my children to become?  What values do I want them to hold as adults?  What are my dreams and hopes for them?  Reminding myself frequently that God is God, doesn’t cause me to stress more.  It actually causes me to trust God more.  He is writing the narrative of their life, and I am a part of their story.  I’m one of the more important pieces of their story, but I’m not writing the outcome.  God is.

My prayer is that I will learn to allow God to use me as the tool he needs to help my children grow into spiritual champions.  But God can’t use me until I know what the end-game is.

I choose to Imagine the End in order to stay focused on the big picture.

Disclaimer: All these thoughts originated from my study of Orange.  They are specifically taken from the Essence of Family teaching given by Reggie Joiner, and can be found in his book, “Think Orange.” This is a fantastic book, and if you work with churches to reach kids then this should be your Manifesto!

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Five Essential Parenting Skills

I’m going to be posting a series of posts covering the Five Essential Parenting Skills that I will be teaching in our upcoming Parent/Child Dedication gatherings at Trinity Church.  These ideas are NOT mine.  They are culled from the book Think Orange and from Deuteronomy 6:4-7, which is every Family and Children pastors’ bread and butter passage, right?!   The next 5 posts will be a mixture of material taken from “Think Orange” and my own thoughts as a parent and a pastor that works alongside parents. Take from it what you will, and please consider making yourself a part of the discussion!

1. Imagine the End

2. Fight for the Heart

3. Make It Personal

4. Create a Rhythm

5. Widen the Circle

Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

From my Monthly Fred Rogers Quote Email:

“Imagining something may be the first step in making it happen, but it takes the real time and real efforts of real people to learn things, make things, turn thoughts into deeds or visions into inventions.”

This neighbor of mine really had things figured out, didn’t he?  I’ve had some BIG thoughts bouncing around in my LITTLE head for a few months now.  I’ve shared these thoughts with friends, and you could even say some of my big thoughts came from these friends.  However, I’ve now officially moved into the phase of wanting to transition these thoughts into action.  How can I put some legs to these ideas?  How can I move from the safety of a good idea, into the uncertainty of acting on it?  Safety vs. Uncertainty…