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The “One-Man Show” Children’s Minister

December 15, 2009 in Ministry with 7 Comments

5 Things I Hate about Children’s Ministry

#1 The Irrelevant Children’s Minister

#2 The “One-Man Show” Children’s Minister

One of the faults of many churches is looking for that one super dynamic Children’s Pastor. They are looking for the person that is talented enough to keep the attention of 100+ kids for an hour or more, and do it all by himself! What a skill! I am one of those people gifted with the skill of keeping a child’s attention for long periods of time, and can plan and program an hour long service with the best of them. (I’ve even done those 3 hour services at times in my life!)

The problem with this is that it alienates others from leadership, and sets up a ministry to fail when the “One Man” leaves for another opportunity. And trust me, I see it all the time in small churches and large churches. The “One Man Show” type of ministry is a foolproof way to fail. I suggest that if you’re looking for a way to build your Children’s Ministry that you begin to spread the one man show into as many men and women as possible. Why not have a 5 man show, or a 10 man show, or a 20 man show?

The temptation if you’re the One Man is to keep it that way as a form of job security. If this is you, then you should be ashamed of yourself! If you’re always the man in front and on the stage performing, you can begin to take on a Diva-like quality to your leadership. If you’re always hogging the spotlight, you will begin to feel like the most important person in your ministry. And the moment you think you’re the most important thing you have going in your ministry is the moment you have officially lost any leadership influence in your church. You will resist the opportunities to spread the attention, and eventually you’ll be leading a weak group of “yes-men” that just pave the way for your grand stage entrance.

I can remember a few months ago I had a special person (aka: “Influential in my church”) come observe our Children’s Ministry experience for Elementary students. It was not setup this way, but on this certain weekend I had absolutely ZERO involvement on the stage for that morning. I watched with pride as my wonderful team of volunteers led 100% of the elements for all three services on a Sunday morning. And do you know what our special guest had to say when they left? They marveled at the team we had in place that worked so wonderfully from the stage.

With the exception of a few weekends, I have now turned over most all stage elements to new people. Some of them are in training mode and get better every week, and some are more talented than I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve found people funnier than me, people that sing better than me, and of course the person WAY more cool than I am in front of kids. Believe it or not, it’s possible to find these people in your church too! If you think they’re not there, then you’re just not looking. Look harder, they’re there somewhere…

Don’t be that person running the “One Man Show.” Instead, be a leader of talented people all working together to change the Kingdom of God one child at a time!

The Irrelevant Children’s Minister

December 14, 2009 in Ministry with 12 Comments

5 Things I Hate about Children’s Ministry

#1 The Irrelevant Children’s Minister

When I started doing Children’s Ministry I had a 18 month old son, and my wife was expecting our 2nd son. I remember seeing environments designed for kids, that my own 18 month old wouldn’t have played in. I can remember thinking that someone was missing the mark. I thought, when did nurseries become so irrelevant to 18 month olds? Did they not know what was popular? Did they have no idea of recent educational trends for 18 month olds? I was a parent that had a keen understanding of this age group, yet the churches we would visit weren’t meeting the needs for my own kids. The danger is that everyone cared terribly for my kids, they had just become irrelevant over time. Slowly, slowly, slowly over the years they had lost a grasp of what was reaching kids “in-the-moment.”

In Elementary environments I see it all the time. It’s the Children’s Pastor that force feeds what he thinks is funny to kids that don’t laugh at his jokes. It’s the CP that plans for a circa 1983 Children’s service to kids that live in 2009. It’s the CP that refuses to check his email, respond to a text message, or put pictures of kids on the Internet. It’s the CP that thinks puppets talking to the ceiling behind a lime green bed sheet held up between two wooden chairs is “cutting edge.” You might think, that doesn’t exist…but it does. I meet Children’s Pastors all the time that never read books, and refuse to accept that kids multimedia needs are changing.

But you know what happens to Children’s Ministries like this? They eventually stop bringing in new kids. And a church with now new kids, has no new families. And a church with no new families, is dead. And Children’s Pastors at dead churches are officially irrelevant. Don’t be that person!

So if you’re that guy (or girl) struggling with irrelevance, what should you do? For starters get yourself back in the game. Talk to kids with an ear to listen. Find out what they watch, what they listen to, what they do, and what they like. If you have kids at home, then you have a built-in research assistant. If you don’t then you’ll have to get more creative. Subscribe to K Magazine, read Kenny’s Blog, pick up any book by Jim Wideman and learn, learn, learn, learn. Never stop learning. When you’ve sponged up all that you can about how to reach kids, parents, and families together; then you’re well on your way to avoiding irrelevance.

5 Things I Hate About Children’s Ministry

December 14, 2009 in Ministry with 11 Comments

How about that title? I know it’s moderately shocking and immediately takes you to a negative place. Sorry for that, but I’d really like to address the five dangerous places I’ve seen Children’s Pastors go. I’ve only been doing Children’s Ministry for a little over six years, so in many respects I’m a #kidmin newbie. In my 6 years of working with other Children’s Pastors I’ve noticed 5 distinct negative directions and roles that Children’s Pastors take on, and I’m going to throw some hate on all 5 of them!

It is not my intention to be negative, but to share 5 roles we should avoid. They are 5 traps that I work hard to avoid falling into and 5 warning signs for myself. If I begin to describe you, then consider it a warning.

And by the way…I love you.

**UPDATE**

Here is a listing of links to the pages that initially followed this introduction post:

#1 The Irrelevant Children’s Minister

#2 The “One-Man Show” Children’s Minister

#3 The Children’s Minister that Ignores Early Childhood

#4 The “Jump on my Sinking Ship” Children’s Minister

#5. The Ungrateful Children’s Minister

You Contribute Nothing to the Plan of God

October 27, 2009 in Bible, Ministry with 2 Comments

We contribute nothing to the plan of God. Shocking, huh? I thought so too, when I first heard this statement. Hang in there with me and let me explain. We’re talking about contributing to God’s plan. Of course we contribute to the work of our ministry teams, senior pastors, bosses, family, etc… I’m asking if you really think you contribute to the plan of God.

First, let’s look at the definition for the word Contribute.

Contribute: To give something in order to help achieve or provide something.

Now, let’s look at the definition for the word Participate.

Participate: To take part or share in.

Interesting, huh? Can you see where you really don’t CONTRIBUTE anything to the plan of God? However, he desires us to PARTICIPATE fully. Revelations 13:8 tells us that God established His plan before the foundations of the world. There is nothing to contribute or add to His plan. We instead participate in His plan. When you believe that you contribute to God’s plan, you put yourself in some dangerous situations.

The Dangers of thinking you CONTRIBUTE:

1. We expect others to work for our contribution.

When we think that our actions contribute so much, we expect others to immediately line up with what we are doing. While we each bring our individual gifts to each plan, we need to understand that we are all participating in the same plan. We have to allow others to participate alongside us. Your way is not always the only way, and when we work with others through a perspective of participation in God’s plan we will value everyone’s participation.

2. We have a tendency use and abuse others.

When we think we are contributing to God’s plan, we begin to see others as pawns and tools for us to use for our contribution. When we see every person as participating, we respect the thoughts and actions of others.

3. We think God is waiting on our next move.

This is a dangerous place to be. Many would never verbalize, “I have to hurry because God is waiting on ME to take action.” However, we act as if God is depending on our next move. Here’s some needed truth: God does NOT wait with baited breath for your next contribution. He will move whether you do something or not. Of course, he desires for you to participate and to use wisdom to know His next move and what He wants you to do. But, he doesn’t sit in heaven “hoping” you do what he “needs” you to do. Check out what Mordecai tells Esther in the Bible. Esther is confronted with needing to save Israel. Mordecai gives her some great advice.

Esther 4:14 For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

I do not want it to come from another place. But I need to realize that it will if I don’t do what God tells me to. Instead of wasting time thinking I contribute something to what God is already doing in the world, I should operate with an intense level of gratitude that the creator of the universe lets me participate fully in His plan for the world.

How does participating differ from contributing? Do you think you’re contributing? Do you think God could carry on perfectly fine without you?

Do you look at others as participating alongside you?

Child Dedication Class

October 14, 2009 in Ministry with 9 Comments

Here is a detailed recap of what the Child Dedication class looked like:

What did I teach?

I taught the Essence of Family talk that Reggie Joiner has taught many times before. You can get the entirety of the talk in the book, “Think Orange.” You can also read my thoughts on the Five Essential Parenting Skills by reading the blog posts I wrote on all five of these skills. (You do read this blog, right? Follow the links on the class description to ready along.)

The Essence of Family: At the heart of every family is a primary calling to lead a generation to the heart of a perfect, loving God. No other passage in the Bible defines the family role as clearly as Deuteronomy 6, and in this study we will challenge parents to Imagine the End in order to stay focused on the big picture, Fight for the Heart of their families by loving God with all their hearts, Make it Personal and let kids see what God is doing in their parents, Create a Rhythm so time together as a family will nurture everyday faith, and Widen the Circle and make sure kids have additional influences to guide them.

I really love this teaching because it sits somewhere between the theoretical and the practical. It’s not a bunch of to-do’s to make your kids obey, and neither is it a bunch of parenting philosophy. I also added tons of my own story to this teaching, and really worked to make it my own. I give the ReThink group and Reggie Joiner tons of credit, but I had to make it my own and fit my style.

How did I make it my own?

Before I taught a single principle, I showed off pictures of my kids. I shared my own struggles of feeling like an inadequate parent, and my own fears for the future of my children. I was intentional about making sure the parents in attendance knew that I was in this with them. I was teaching, but I wanted them to know that I was simply out in front leading. Not sharing my infinite wisdom with lesser people (not that they thought that, but I wanted us to be clear.) I think to many times we’re scared to just be honest with parents about who we really are. This is a strength for me, so I just put it out there for them all to see. Sincerity is a great asset.

What was the format?

The class started at 6:40 pm (advertised for 6:30) and ended at 8:20 pm. But I didn’t talk that entire time. I built in 4 table talk times of 5 minutes each throughout the talk. This was key for breaking up the classroom style, and letting families get to know each other well. The table talk questions were general in nature, nothing very personal or revealing. I wanted to be respectful of those that may not feel comfortable sharing. So I would teach a point, then turn it over for table talk time. They would answer questions related to the topic I had just taught. This went about 3-5 minutes each time. I had Children’s Ministry leaders spread out at each table, to make sure discussion happened. These leaders were prepped with the questions in advance, and given some direction for how to get people to open up and share. Each person had the fill-in-the-blank notes to keep along with the class materials. It was two pages, front and back. I personally hate teaching where people fill in the blanks along the way, but I wanted to make sure everyone went home with material.

What was room setup?

We had 20 families in attendance, with two people from each family in attendance. There were 7 round tables setup with the families split evenly throughout. We had coffee, water, fruit, cookies, and other snacks setup on a few banquet tables off to the side. I also had my entire Children’s Ministry staff and some key volunteers spread out at each table. They were instrumental in making this work, and I can’t give them enough credit for being awesome. I am truly blessed with a great team!

How did it end?

I assigned homework. Not the kind of homework that is turned in, but the kind of homework that the Holy Spirit convicts them to complete. I ended the class explaining that the reason I wanted two people from each family in attendance was so that they could hold each other accountable for the things they learned. Part of that accountability was to go home and think through the 5 homework questions. The questions were:

Write down your vision for your child’s future. What values, character and traits do you want active in their lives? What are your dreams and hopes for them?
How important is it to be trusted? Who are the people that you trust, and what about them do you want to emulate?
Identify the weaknesses in yourself that you want your children to avoid. What are they?
What things can you do to help create spiritual rhythms right now? Put these on your calendar today!
Who will you commit to make a part of your child’s life? Think of names and reasons why for each person.

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